Protecting Kids From the Inside Out

10 03 2012

Unlike consumer products, parenting comes without instructions or guarantees. We all want our children to grow up happy, healthy, successful, and involved with positive-minded family and friends. However, our children live in a broken world, and it has a way of breaking young people, sooner or later, one way or another. But there is real hope because some young people do indeed grow up well. So, what’s a parent to do, in the face of the sinful human nature and a toxic popular culture, to raise a truly healthy young adult?

We tend to focus on what we can implement to protect our kids by setting appropriate boundaries, establishing positive activities, and providing safe environments in which our kids can grow. While those are all important aspects of raising “good kids,” they are not enough.

1 Samuel 16:7 says, “The Lord does not look at the things of man. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” Apparently, God is more interested in the inner life than the outer life, therefore we should be concerned primarily with the inner life of our children. Unfortunately, most parents focus primarily on the behavior of their kids – the outer life. Parents often react to symptoms, rather than causes. But outward behavior is not isolated from the heart of the child. Behavior is a reflection of the inner reality. Therefore, it is not possible to fix outward behavior permanently without dealing with the problems of the heart.

There is no formula for fixing problem behaviors in children, but an inside-out approach will be more effective than behavior management.

Growing Up Too Fast

A major source of the problem is that kids are growing up too fast. Read the rest of this entry »





What Does it Mean to Grow Up?

23 02 2012

This is the time of year when I start to see some signs of maturity in my 7th grade students. Many of them are growing up, and I’m actually starting to see it, much like the first shoots of daffodils this time of year.

In my English class we read a few coming-of-age novels. Recently, we read The House on Mango Street, and we discussed what it means to grow up. As a way to kick off the discussion, I gave them two definitions that I found from unlikely sources.

The first is just a comment on a blog by someone named Sarge927 who says, “A person “grows up” when he/she learns to take responsibility for his/her own actions and stops behaving as if the world revolves around him/her. Many people never truly grow up because they constantly blame others for everything “bad” that has happened in their lives or they expect everyone and everything in their world to conform to their point of view. People who are grown up will suck it up and pay the price if they get caught breaking the law, even if it’s just a speeding ticket, while those who are not grown up will try to find any and every way to weasel out of it. People who are grown up will give and don’t always expect to get, those who are not grown up will always ask “What’s in it for me?”

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

And then there is this classic from  a “Dear Abby” column, in which she defined growing up in the following ways:

Maturity is the ability to do a job whether you are supervised or not; finish a job once it is started; carry money without spending it and be able to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.

Maturity is the ability to control anger and settle differences without violence.

Maturity is patience. It is the willingness to postpone immediate gratification in favor of the long-term gain.

Maturity is perseverance, the ability to sweat out a project or a situation in spite of heavy opposition and discouraging setbacks.

Maturity means dependability, keeping one’s word, coming through in a crisis. The immature are masters of the alibi. They are confused and disorganized. Their lives are a maze of broken promises, former friends, unfinished business and good intentions that somehow never materialized.

Well said.

So, we all have some growing up to do, don’t we?

 





A Scholastic Tuneup

29 01 2012

Many teachers will tell you that it’s the middle of the school year when most learning takes place. So, let’s take a quick look at some old and some new ideas for helping young students get the most of their education right now in the heart of the school year.

Some Basics

Rest: Get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.  The more consistent, the better.

Eat a large healthy breakfast, like oatmeal and eggs. Don’t skip a meal. And don’t eat high-sugar foods during the day.

Focus: Use any spare class time to work on homework, rather than socializing. If needed, ask to sit away from a friend who can’t stop talking.

Friends: Use recess, passing times, lunch, and before/after school time for socializing.

Drink water throughout the day. Take a water bottle to class.

Move. Don’t skip recess or PE. Exercise helps academic concentration.

Homework: Setup a spot in the home that is quiet and supplied for schoolwork.

Time: Set aside time every night for homework and have an adult available to help if needed. A little exercise right after school is helpful.

Daily Planner: Use a planner to keep track of assignments, tests, quizzes, and project due dates.  Use it in every class, everyday.

Locker: Keep it organized and tidy. Organized students learn more and get better grades.

Something New

Young people will tell you that they think best when they have music on and when they can access their friends with their digital devices. They will tell you that it helps them stay at it, or they will say that they are studying with their friends.  They will swear that they can study better if they multi-task and that their brains are far more alert for longer periods of time.  They will say that studying in a totally quiet, boring place is awful – a death sentence.  They will make you think that their brains are just wired differently.

They are wrong, even though they are convinced that they are right.  In brief, it is true that they are more alert and have more stamina to stay “at it” for hours on end; however, during all that time, they are NOT studying well.  In fact, they are studying very poorly for a really long time because they are constantly distracted.  If your son exclaims, “I studied for five hours last night” then it might be the equivalent of one hour because, first of all, he was only in his room for three hours, and more importantly, he was doing far more texting, surfing, listening to music, and using Facebook than anything academic.  If I sound cynical it is because, as a teacher, I deal with it every day. Sorry kids. You are all wrong on this one.

If you don’t believe that last paragraph, or you just want more on the topic, then go to PBS Frontline: Digital Nation for some excellent video excerpts on the topic.  Many experts say that nobody multitasks as well as they think they can. Perhaps distraction is the problem of the age. It certainly kills more people on the highways than anything else. Perhaps it is killing our academic progress as well.

Some New Tips for the Digital Age

No reading or studying with headphones on. If dead silence is just too awful, then some mellow, quiet instrumental music in the background is acceptable.

No Facebook, texting, or any sort of social media or phone usage during studying or reading time.  In fact, all cellphones, iPods, iPads, or laptops should be turned off and placed in another room, unless they are being used specifically for an assignment.

When studying, don’t just read over the material repeatedly. Retrieve the information. Quiz yourself.

Set a timer for a lengthy study session, and allow a break in between sessions. Maybe 30 minutes on, 5 minutes off. Or 60 minutes of reading, then 15 minutes of social media. The point is to focus on one thing at a time.





Reading Textbooks Well

16 08 2011

Reading a Textbook Well

      How to Read Smarter, not Harder

      When reading a school textbook, a fluent reader will:

 1.  Survey all the titles, headings, vocabulary terms, tables, and questions because he knows that those things hold big clues about the overall purpose and meaning of the text.

2.  Read quickly but carefully, guessing at new words, but not racing to the end or skipping large chunks of text.  He reads as fast he can comprehend.

3.  Decelerate during what feels like an important section of text.

4.  Ask questions about each section: “What was that all about?” and “What new things am I learning here?”  If he can’t answer, then he goes back to re-read the confusing parts.

5.  Answer with great care the questions that go with the text.

  • Study each question very carefully, even more carefully than he reads the text.  If he does not understand the question, he asks the teacher or somebody else for help.
  • Use context to form his answers.  He does not just find the key word in the text and grab a few words next to it. He reads the sentences before and after the key word.
  • Paraphrase answers. He puts answers in own words, rather than just copying exactly what the book says.




Middle School: Top Ten Things to Know

19 07 2011

The following is an open letter from my boss, Steve Hall, Head of Middle School at Westminster Christian Academy.  Two things to know about him: 1) It is a pleasure to work with him, 2) He “gets it” with regard to adolescents.  Enough said.  Here’s his two cents on the topic.

——————————————————————————————————-

Dear Parents,

The middle school years are a unique time of life.  It is crazy, wonderful, exciting and baffling. As a public service, I’d like to share with you some basic truths about the middle school student living in your home. In the style of the late night shows, I’d like to share with you the Top Ten Things You Should Know About Your Middle School Student

:

10.  Each student has one compelling mission each day: avoid embarrassment! It is true that most students believe everyone is watching them at all times. Each student believes a misplaced word, a stumble in the hallway or a failure to meet the unwritten rules of middle school culture — though, in reality, unknown to all — will be seen and remembered forever by all classmates. Parents, don’t take it personally if they don’t want to hug in public anymore.

9.  Although all outward evidence suggests otherwise, you are a very important person to your child, and your child feels more secure and valued when you care enough to talk with them about anything and everything. Don’t let the rolling eyes or mock disdain deter you. It’s one of those unwritten rules they have to follow as teenagers.

8.  You will require a haz-mat suit and gas mask to handle the unique aromas coming from young teenagers. You have never, ever encountered anything quite like a classroom containing the smells of sweat, an overabundance of body spray and perfume, wet socks and hot, breathing children following PE class. The truth is that kids are self-conscious about the changes that create these issues. It’s a time of a great deal of change in height, weight and appearance. Your child needs a proper diet, plenty of sleep and good hygiene. Be courageous as parents and talk about these changes. The more you talk about them, the easier the discussions will become. Read the rest of this entry »








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