Resiliency | Growing Up Well

New Book: Growing Up Well in the 21st Century

28 04 2013

Coming Soon: Fall 2013

Growing Up Well in the 21st Century: Raising Today’s Middle School Children

Middle school is a time in life when many parents adopt a hands-off parenting style. They shake their head and say, “My daughter is a different person now. I don’t get her any more.” In response to this frustration, many parents essentially stop parenting because they do not know what to do any more. It seems like the right thing to do, especially when it creates a temporary peace in the home. But this is a major problem, since children do not raise themselves well, especially in 21^st Century America.

Many parents view early adolescence as a “temporary insanity” that can only be survived. But it is not an illness to be endured. It is a natural stage of life that can be wonderful, and it is parents who make all the difference. A parent who develops a good understanding of the age, a positive attitude, and appropriate actions will provide just what a child needs to grow up well.

What a middle school child needs most is a deep connection and some wise guidance from his or her parents. A good parent will strive to become more connected with the child, not less, in this challenging time of life. A well-informed, loving parent will greatly improve the trajectory of the life of a child.

Growing Up Well in the 21^st Century contains practical advice to help parents of 10-14 year olds make plans for helping their children thrive in middle school, not just survive. It discusses how to:

Connect with your middle school child
Build a close-knit family
Take care of yourself
Root out irrational fears
Discipline with love
Create resiliency and independence
Foster a healthy social life
Guide their academic, athletic, and artistic life
Handle the media and the new electronic devices
Create healthy digital citizenship
Get your child outdoors
Develop work ethic and financial sense

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Tags: 21st century, Activities, Adolescence, Balance, Beauty, Christianity, Coaching, Communication, Community, Consequences, Education, Encouraging, Faith, Family, Family Life, Friends, Growing Up, Hard Work, Home, Immaturity, Independence, Kids, Loneliness, Love, Maturing, Media, Middle School, Parent, Parenting, Reading, Relationship, Resiliency, Role Models, School, Significance, Sports, Student, Success, Technology, Teens, Youth Sports
Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Boys, Disabilities, Discipline, Education, Faith, Family, Friendship, Guidance, health, Materialism, Media Influence, Middle School, Nature, Parenting, Physical Development, Reading, Relationship, Resiliency, Role Models, Self-Discipline, Social Development, Special Needs, Spiritual Development, Technology, Uncategorized, Violence

The Paradoxical Commandments

28 04 2013

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.

Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.

Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.

Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.

Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.

Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.

Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.

Give the world the best you have anyway.

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Tags: Encouraging, Faith, God, Growing Up, Maturing, People, Resiliency, Serving, Significance
Categories : Education, Faith, Relationship, Resiliency, Social Development, Spiritual Development

The Leadership of Tim Tebow

17 12 2011

Tim Tebow is a great example of an effective leader for young athletes. He is hard-working, tough in the face of adversity, focused on the task at-hand, willing to sacrifice for the teammates, and encouraging. He has caught a lot of flack for being so verbal and visual with his faith in Christ. Some people admire this, while others despise it. No matter how you feel about his religious expressions, you have to admit that the guy is a leader. Show this to a kid and say, “This is how you lead.”

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Tags: Adolescence, Coaching, Maturing, Perseverence, Relationship, Resiliency, Role Models, Sacrifices, Success, Youth Sports
Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Boys, Education, Physical Development, Relationship

Loving Grandpa

15 09 2011

One of my favorite 7^th grade essays ever is this memoir about a grandfather. Ashley Aucker, is now a 25 year old, wife, mother, singer, and songwriter. She was a sweet, quiet little 12 year old in my 7^th grade English class many years ago when she wrote this essay. It blew me away then, and it still moves me now. It’s a tribute to the power of a loving grandparent and the deep the inner lives of children.

The first thing I saw upon waking up were tears streaming down my mom’s face. My eyes were still groggy, but I could tell she has been crying a lot. She told me to get up and get dressed as quickly as possible. The one thing about mornings is that it is the most confusing time of day. Therefore, asking no questions, I got up and did as my mom told me. I threw on a shirt and jeans, brushed my teeth and hair, and ran out to the car.

“We are going to see Grandpa,” she finally told me on the way over to my grandparent’s house. I soon understood what was going on. Grandpa had had cancer for about two years, and this day he was struggling greatly, and I knew that this day he would breathe his last breath. Read the rest of this entry »

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Tags: Adolescence, Christianity, Faith, Family Life, Grandparents, Grief, Growing Up, Kids, Maturing, Relationship, Resiliency, Role Models, Significance
Categories : Adolescence, Faith, Family, Relationship, Resiliency, Role Models, Social Development, Spiritual Development

Raising Boys to be Real Men

12 09 2011

Boys are misunderstood. Too often, they are disciplined and shamed by their teachers, parents, or grandparents because it is falsely assumed that good boys should act just like good girls.

Raising boys is a topic of numerous books, but one that stands out is Raising Cain, by Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson. I had the privilege of hearing them speak at a conference, and their wisdom impressed me deeply. Here are my notes and thoughts from two of their sessions.

Emotions. Give boys permission to have an internal life. Give approval to their wide-ranging emotions, as long as they behave civilly. Their tendency will be to hide their emotions at every turn, but this is not healthy. Help them use words to express their feelings effectively, since it is not in their nature or in their culture to speak openly about their feelings. So, give respect to their inner life, and speak about your own inner life. Share your likes, dislikes, fears, sorrows, regrets, hopes, and weaknesses with each other.

Activity. Accept the high activity level of boys as a healthy part of who they are. Give them a safe place to express their need for action. Embrace their physicality as natural, normal, and in need of channeling, rather than suppressing. Boys need to learn to manage their physicality, but they do not need to be shamed for their exuberance.

Speak to them. Talk to boys in their language – in a way that honors their pride and masculinity. Be direct with them. Say what you mean and mean what you say. And when possible, use them as consultants and problem solvers. They will love feeling important to you. It is important to communicate with them in a way that honors their wish for strength and respect.

Re-define courage. Teach boys that there is more to being a hero than physically defeating an enemy. Read the rest of this entry »

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Tags: Adolescence, Boy, Boys, Education, Emotion, Encouraging, Family, Friends, Growing Up, health, Kids, Maturing, Men, Mental health, Parenting, Preteens, Relationship, Resiliency, Role Models, Significance, Teacher
Categories : Adolescence, Boys, Discipline, Family, Friendship, Media Influence, Parenting, Physical Development, Relationship, Resiliency, Social Development

Same Lake, Different Boat

16 07 2011

When you are a parent of a child with severe disabilities, you have to accept the fact that your life journey is going to be much different than most people’s and that you are not in control of circumstances. Those two truths are much easier said than lived-out, but they are crucial to living well.

Same Lake, Different Boat is a book that puts the right words to so many truths that I have learned in that past eleven years since my daughter’s birth. A reviewer, with whom I agree, says of Stephanie Hubach’s book: “Concisely written, personal in tone, she provides a solid basis for tearing down judgmental barriers and building effective communities among people with different needs. A must read for anyone interested in learning about loving and caring for “normal people in an abnormal world.“

Here are my favorite parts:

Much of our 21st century life is organized around denying the reality of life’s difficulties. We can surround ourselves with material comforts that give us the false sense of security that, maybe, life is not so difficult after all. We can create an illusion of control that, perhaps, we really are the masters of our own destiny. However, when the reality of disability strikes, neither a thousand trips to Wal-Mart nor unlimited funds in a retirement account can insulate the blow. When disability strikes a family, it is the startling splash-of-a-bucket-of-cold-water-in-the-face that reminds us that, indeed, life is difficult. And we are not in control. (Hubach 99)

Whether we recognize it or not, we all have implicit expectations about our future that reside in our minds. Read the rest of this entry »

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Tags: Christianity, Disabilities, Faith, Family Life, Growing Up, Relationship, Resiliency, Special Needs
Categories : Disabilities, Family, Parenting, Relationship, Resiliency, Special Needs

I Wish You Failure

30 05 2011

Once again, I offer an article from NPR’s This I Believe. Jon Carroll started at the San Francisco Chronicle editing the crossword puzzle and writing TV listings. He has been a columnist for the paper since 1982.

Last week, my granddaughter started kindergarten, and, as is conventional, I wished her success. I was lying. What I actually wish for her is failure. I believe in the power of failure.

Success is boring. Success is proving that you can do something that you already know you can do, or doing something correctly the first time, which can often be a problematical victory. First-time success is usually a fluke. First-time failure, by contrast, is expected; it is the natural order of things.

Failure is how we learn. Read the rest of this entry »

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Tags: Adolescence, Balance, Education, Growing Up, Hard Work, Perfectionism, Resiliency, Success, Work
Categories : Adolescence, Discipline, Education, Parenting, Resiliency, Self-Discipline, Social Development, Spiritual Development

Books for Boys

20 12 2010

Finding a well-written, entertaining book for a boy who hates to read is always a challenge.

Woods Runner, by Gary Paulsen, grabs your attention at the get-go. It opens, “One day, it seemed he was eleven and playing in the dirt around the cabin or helping with chores, and the next, he was thirteen, carrying a .40 caliber Pennsylvania flintlock rifle, wearing smoked-buckskin clothing and moccasins, moving through the woods like a knife though water while he tracked deer to bring home to the cabin for meat.”

This is a book for the reluctant male reader. It is just 164 pages and moves quickly but with plenty of detail in the right places. It has characters that you root for, conflicts that create tension, and plenty of interesting historical information about everyday life during the Revolutionary War. Most importantly, the author makes the reader feel the struggle, the pain, and the chaos of the war, with an appropriate amount of detail (not too much for an eleven year old, but not too little for an adult.) The reader witnesses death, destruction, and disease, as well as heroism that, against all odds, continues to fight for what is good.

Paulsen does not glamorize war. He shines a light on war’s destructiveness, in which we see the very worst of man’s nature, as well as the very best. It’s a tense story with a very real conflict that is deeply felt. To the very end, it is not predictable. In fact, at several points a long the way, Paulsen shocks the reader with something completely unforeseen yet entirely believable.

The main character, Samuel is an ordinary thirteen-year-old boy whose life is transformed in extraordinary ways. The publisher writes, “Gary Paulsen brings readers into the flesh-and-blood reality of one boy’s struggle in the long and savage war that changed people’s lives in infinite ways.” It’s best to just read it, without reading the jacket cover or anything. Is it a sad story? Yes. Is it full of exciting action? Yes. Is it deeply depressing and full of despair? No. Similar to the birth of America, it is a tale of tragedy and triumph. It is just the sort of book that boys (ages 10-14+) should be reading. And the values taught within the tale will be tops on anyone’s list: loyalty, perseverance, self-sacrifice for others, resiliency, and resourcefulness.

Some other good books for boys, related to boys surviving difficult obstacles:

Hatchet, by Gary Paulsen

Holes, by Jeff Sachar

Hoot, by Carl Hiassen

The King of Mulberry Street, by Donna Jo Napoli

The Bronze Bow, by Elizabeth George Speare

Percy Jackson and the Olympians (Series) by Rick Riordan

The Secret Benedict Society (Series) by Trenton Lee Stewart

Eragon (Series) by Chris Paolini

On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness (Series) by Andrew Peterson

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In addition to reading about outdoor adventures, our kids need to get outdoors. So, sign those kids up for summer camps that get them outdoors. Have a campout in the backyard. Go fishing. Try a hike you’ve never been on but have heard good things about. Anything.

Here’s a slideshow from our little Outdoor Camp.

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Tags: Adolescence, Books, Family Life, Growing Up, Independence, Maturing, Reading, Resiliency, Sacrifices, Significance
Categories : Adolescence, Physical Development, Relationship, Resiliency

Thanksgiving Child

23 11 2010

Kathryn was born on Thanksgiving weekend 11 years ago on an unforgettable day. Due to the trauma of her birth, she sustained brain damage which causes her to have spastic quadriplegic cerebral palsy, epilepsy, and cognitive delays. She cannot walk, talk, or do anything without assistance.

Her disabilities are many, and her life is full of discomfort, but her spirit is delightful and other-centered in spite of it all. She is not a disability. She is beautiful and strong. Those who know her are better for it.

Kathryn

Wakes with seizures

Scars with surgeries

Grows with splints

Plays without running

Comprehends without reading

Communes without speaking

Throws with accuracy

Laughs with hysterics

Hugs with stiff arms

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Tags: Beauty, Growing Up, Relationship, Resiliency, Significance
Categories : Parenting, Resiliency

Questions Kids Have But Don’t Ask

22 10 2010

Here are some of the big questions kids (10-14) have, although they will rarely, if ever, vocalize them. Understanding the questions is half the battle; having all the answers is not necessary, even if it were possible.

Who are my real friends? Who really likes me? In which group do I belong?

Who am I? How am I like and different from others my age?

What will I do with my life? Will I be important?

What sort of career and family will I have?

What will I look and act like when I am a grown up?

Am I cool?

Am I respected?

Read the rest of this entry »

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Tags: Beauty, Career, Christianity, Community, Faith, Friends, Growing Up, Immaturity, Kids, Maturing, Resiliency, Significance, Success
Categories : Adolescence, Social Development, Spiritual Development

The Wrong Kind of Pain

17 10 2010

Generally speaking, children who face difficulties will grow up stronger in the long run. They earn a host of other character qualities, forged in the fires of adolescence. I say “generally” because there are some trials which are truly damaging to the soul of a child: molestation being one that comes to mind. But intense, unmitigated bullying can be just as bad, raping the heart of all that is good.

“Single Dad Laughing” is an excellent blog, and there is one must-read article called “Memoirs of a Bullied Kid.” It will take about 15 minutes to read and reflect on it, and if you are a parent, teacher, or coach, then it is well worth your time.

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Tags: Adolescence, Bullying, Growing Up, Loneliness, Maturing, Parenting, Relationship, Resiliency
Categories : Adolescence, Parenting, Relationship, Resiliency, Social Development

The Value of Pain

13 10 2010

As I walk through the halls after school, there is a barrage of faces along my path. Some I know well; some I don’t know at all. Some are happy; some look very frustrated. But all of these kids have stories inside. Some of their stories are silly — full of joy from a life yet unblemished by heartache or tragedy. And some have stories they keep to themselves because they are not the kind that they want to tell or others want to hear. There are some broken kids out there, some of whom will mend well, and grow up to be good and strong.

As I walk briskly by them each day, I think about what stories I know. Not enough, unfortunately. But I know that boy; he’s has had serious struggles with perfectionism and an eating disorder in middle school and is now very healthy, athletic, and academically successful. I know that girl, whose mother died of cancer when she was ten; her dad remarried a woman whose spouse also died of cancer. Their blended family is an inspiration. I also know the story of that girl, whose little brother has Down’s Syndrome and whose parents are on the brink of divorce; she’s serious, smart, and sometimes silly. Actually, I just know bits and pieces of their stories, but it’s enough to see the depth in their eyes. I know that they know pain.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Tags: Adolescence, Consequences, Education, Encouraging, Growing Up, Immaturity, Parenting, Perfectionism, Resiliency, Significance, Teens
Categories : Adolescence, Education, Friendship, Parenting, Physical Development, Relationship, Resiliency, Social Development, Spiritual Development

Role Model Wrestler

3 08 2010

Anthony Robles, is an All-American student-athlete at Arizona State University, where they describe him on their athletic website as… “one of the top high school wrestlers in the nation… won the Arizona state championship twice after finishing sixth as a sophomore… went 48-0 in each of his last two seasons…” Since high school, he has finished 4th and 7th at the NCAA Wrestling National Championship in the 125 pound division. By all accounts, he is described as humble, hard-working, studious, and friendly.

The twist to the story is that he was born with only one leg and uses crutches everywhere he goes. He can run a mile in 8 minutes on crutches and hopes to get it down to just 6 minutes. For more, check out these videos.

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Tags: Adolescence, Hard Work, Resiliency, Sports, Teens, Youth Sports
Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Discipline, Resiliency, Role Models

Prepare Them for Life

17 07 2010

Protection and provision are not enough.

“Here’s the paradox: If we protect our children too absolutely, we actually end up exposing them to other risks. And leave them without the skills, experiences, and minor life lessons that they’ll need to handle the big challenges as they grow up.” (Perri Klass, M.D.)

When children are very young, they must be protected and nurtured in absolutely every way. An infant is helpless and needy at all times. He must be fed, clothed, changed, transported, and even cajoled into sleep – or else he will get sick and die. Babies are totally unprepared for life. Now flash forward 18 years, and that same human, now full-grown, had better not be helpless or needy, or else something very wrong has taken place in the meantime. That 18 year old should be a strong, self-sufficient young man, able to learn on his own at school, have a variety of healthy relationships, and be able to do the jobs that other adults require of them, in order to have any success in his adult life. After all, he is a legal adult with all the rights and privileges that come with: working, paying taxes, continuing education, voting, getting married, having children, and even fighting in a war. He should be ready to fly on his own – maybe not soar yet, but fly enough to survive.

In a recent article about “helicopter parenting” we get a glimpse of the problem from the eyes of a college professor. “Kathleen Crowley, a professor of psychology says parents’ eagerness to overdirect their children’s lives has led to young adults who are less independent and creative than the generation before. Twenty years ago, Crowley announced an upcoming test in her college classes and that was the end of the discussion. Now, she says she’s expected to provide students with a study guide so they know exactly how to prepare, and she’s had these same young adults come to her in tears because they’d earned their first B and didn’t know how to cope. Because of this “extended adolescence,” when these students graduate and enter their careers, they’re now offered workplace mentoring and on-the-job training just to ensure their success.” (Jennifer Gish)

So why are so many 18-28 year old men and women still in adolescence? Why are so many having nervous breakdowns in the midst of their inability to deal with the trials of life? Why are so many young men and women crippled (socially and emotionally) in the adult world?

The answer may be simple, but the solution is complex. The young man’s parents, teachers, and coaches may have done a fine job of protecting and providing, but they did not prepare the child for adulthood. The solution is not so simple. HOW do you prepare a child to succeed on his or her own? (The following is not a comprehensive list)

Read the rest of this entry »

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Tags: Adolescence, Consequences, Education, Encouraging, Growing Up, Maturing, Parenting, Relationship, Resiliency, Role Models, Serving, Significance, Work
Categories : Adolescence, Discipline, Education, Parenting, Relationship, Resiliency, Role Models, Self-Discipline, Social Development

Avoiding a Mid-Life Crisis

1 07 2010

If you are growing old well, then you are likely to help a child grow up well.

40 is not old, but it’s certainly not young either. It’s the start of mid-life, and it has a well-earned, dangerous reputation. It’s when so many people have an inner crisis, even if life is sailing along smoothly on the outside. At some point disappointment, boredom, or depression accompany the person who has a career, a family, a home, a community, and all the subsequent stress of being responsible for so much. In addition, health problems of all kinds begin to flare up by 40, which remind us that we are decaying in far more ways than we are growing.

Many 40-somethings have established their career, have gotten married, have had a few kids, and have bought all the things they need and most of the things they want. They have arrived at their life destination, and they wonder, “This is it?”

For others, they are still building the best life they can, and they feel the crushing weight of pressure from what they have constructed. There are too many things to do, too many people to care for, too many problems to solve – just too many responsibilities in every area of life. They are caring for children, spouses, friends, employees, and even aging parents. They get to a point where they simply cannot balance it all anymore; it’s all just too much. In frustration they cry out, “There just isn’t enough me to go around!”

It’s a tough time of life, indeed, and for some it’s just too much, so they pull the ripcord of life. They give up on something big, like their marriage, their kids, or their career. Sometimes they chuck it all at once. Or they just give up trying very hard at anything, settling into a comfortably complacent lifestyle. They fall prey to the consumer-centered suburban lifestyle, and they go out to pasture.

So what’s a mid-lifer to do? Well, after spending four days in Colorado with some of my favorite 40-ish guys, I’m ready to convey a few suggestions based on our conversations. I’m sorry if any of this seems trite; I realize that all of these things are a lot easier said than done. But hopefully, it will help in some way – for your sake, and for your kids.

Focus. Identify your top four or five priorities in life and focus on them — to the detriment of all else. Set your sights on just a few things that you are passionate about and that you have valued for a long time. For me (at this point in my life) it’s family, faith, teaching, and writing. If I can do those things well, then I am on the right track. But that may mean that I am not going to keep up with all my friends very well. It means that I am not going to be able to play golf, read a novel a month, or hone my guitar skills anytime soon. I have to face facts: I can only do so much. Trying to do it all is living in a fantasy world (see #4 below). Learn to accept mediocrity in the less important areas of your life. Read the rest of this entry »

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Tags: Balance, Christianity, Coaching, Community, Friends, Growing Up, Independence, Maturing, Parenting, Relationship, Resiliency, Sacrifices, Significance, Success, Thankfulness
Categories : health, Parenting, Relationship, Resiliency, Role Models

Lousy Starts and Strong Finishes

2 06 2010

I’m grading papers on the second to last day of the school year. I’m grading fast, trying to finish ASAP, so I can go run some errands. I am more than a little ready to get out from behind my desk and browse around the hardware store, before heading home. Teaching in May is exhausting. And in walks Ian, who is in a very happy mood.

Ian is a junior (a senior in just 24 hours) who was an English student of mine five years ago when he was in seventh grade. Back then, he was a trainwreck academically (he’s the first to admit that). In spite of his positive attitude and a love for books and acting, he was a woeful writer. He routinely earned D’s and F’s on his papers, especially on essays of any length. He could talk your ear off, and he was terrific in dramatic performance, but writing was a source of constant frustration. Truly, his spelling, handwriting, and syntax were awful. Trust me. It was scary.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Tags: Adolescence, Growing Up, Hard Work, Maturing, Parenting, Perseverence, Relationship, Resiliency
Categories : Adolescence, Education, Parenting, Resiliency, Self-Discipline, Social Development

Realistic Expectations for Life

26 01 2010

Donald Miller’s book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years is quite good, but the end of chapter 29 is truly great. In it, he refers to a recent episode of 60 Minutes, which I vividly recall seeing myself a few years ago. It was about the happiest people in the world, and I found it tremendously thought-provoking and memorable. Here is Don’s take on it.

“A study done by a British university ranked the happiest countries, and America was far down the list, but Denmark was at the top. Morley Safer explored why. Ruling out financial status, physical health, and even social freedom, he landed on a single characteristic of the Danes that allowed then such contentment. The reasons the Danes are so happy was this: they had low expectations.

I’m not making that up. There is something in Denmark’s culture that allows them to look at life realistically. They don’t expect products to fulfill them or relationships to end all their problems.”

From my recollection of the study, there is another important aspect of Danish culture – their involvement in their own local communities. More than any of the other developed nations in the study, people in Denmark have a sense of equality and connectedness to each other. In fact, their values are so community-oriented that they have a popular government program which pays for citizens to get involved in local recreational and social groups. As a result, they are far less competitive than Americans. They are more likely to view success as a community, not as individuals in competition with one another. The Danes are a reasonable and communal people, which seems to make them significantly more content and happy than other people groups.

Donald Miller concludes his chapter with, “I’m trying to be a more Danish, I guess. And the thing is, it works. When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are. And when you stop expecting material possessions to complete you, you’d be surprised at how much pleasure you get in material possessions. And when you stop expecting God to end all your troubles, you’d be surprised how much you like spending time with God.“

Therefore, if American parents, teachers, and coaches were to adopt a more Danish approach to life, we might just be happier and more effective in helping the young people in our care. And isn’t that what we all want? But what would that look like?

Read the rest of this entry »

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Tags: Activities, Balance, Christianity, Growing Up, Maturing, Perfectionism, Resiliency, Thankfulness
Categories : Adolescence, Parenting, Social Development, Spiritual Development

It’s a Wonderfully Difficult Life

29 11 2009

It’s a Wonderful Life strikes a chord — several chords — deep in my soul, every time I watch it. Most importantly, it makes me want to be a better man and to live my life as well as I can for my friends, family, and community. Deep down, I want to be counted in the ranks of the George Baileys of the world. And if I can’t, then I want my son to get there upon my shoulders.

“It’s a Wonderful Life” should be required viewing for every young person growing up. Anyone over the age of ten should see this movie with their parents, grandparents, or any adult who cares enough to explain what’s going on as the film rolls. If you haven’t seen it in a few years, do so. And bring a kid along for the ride.

This movie says it all about growing up well. It does not hide the truth that life is hard, and it’s even harder for those who choose to serve others. It teaches just about every character trait you would want to see in a young man or woman. In no way is it an easy life — just ask George Bailey — but it’s worth it all.

Here’s a fun little trivia game for lovers of this movie…Click here

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Tags: Community, Education, Faith, Friends, Growing Up, Hard Work, Maturing, Perseverence, Relationship, Resiliency, Role Models, Serving, Significance, Success, Thankfulness
Categories : Adolescence, Relationship, Resiliency, Role Models, Self-Discipline, Social Development

Kids Need Community

26 10 2009

“No man is an island,” said John Donne, in reference to the ripple effect of the death of one man in a community. Indeed, we are made for community; we are not meant to live alone. By living and working with others, we enjoy many benefits. By choosing to go it alone, whatever the endeavor, we give up countless blessings. While mavericks make great movie characters, real loners miss out on so much. Unfortunately, there are more and more loners in our modern world.

A large social study in 2006 at Duke University illustrated “a sobering picture of an increasingly fragmented America, where intimate social ties — once seen as an integral part of daily life and associated with a host of psychological and civic benefits — are shrinking or nonexistent.” Click here for the article “We’re not saying people are completely isolated. They may have 600 friends on Facebook.com and e-mail 25 people a day, but they are not discussing matters that are personally important.”

It’s nothing new to learn that many people find it extremely difficult to live with others. They find themselves in all kinds of trouble when they have to work with others at length. They hurt people’s feelings, and they get hurt. They annoy and they get annoyed. They both get jealous and cause jealousy. So, they do the logical thing; they take the path of least resistance and withdraw from others. They become independent, vowing to avoid the problems that people cause in their lives.

After all, it is much easier, in the short run, to look out for yourself and take care of your own business, steering clear of other people’s business. But easy is not always good, especially when it comes to relationships.

Robert D. Putnam, a professor of public policy at Harvard and the author of Bowling Alone, wrote his famous book about the same problem – increasing social isolation in the United States. He believes that people must make deliberate steps to join and remain in small communities; otherwise, they will suffer great long-term consequences.

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Tags: Adolescence, Community, Education, Growing Up, Independence, Kids, Loneliness, Maturing, Parenting, Relationship, Resiliency, Role Models, Significance, Teacher, Teens
Categories : Parenting, Relationship, Social Development

Teens Growing Up Very Well

18 09 2009

With all of the real-life stories and media dramatizations of teens who are totally dysfunctional human beings, it is easy to come to the conclusion that kids lose their minds and hearts somewhere around 12 years old and that they may or may not recover in their college years. The word “teen” has all kinds of negative connotations. It is now almost assumed that every person will be totally adrift for several years, if not all, of adolescence. Well, it’s just not true.

There are lots of kids growing up REALLY well, learning to love deeply, serve effectively, and make the world a far better place wherever they go. There are a lot of kids out there making their parents, teachers, and coaches proud – and loving life along the way.

This is some must-see-tv…

more about “Camp Barnabus“, posted with vodpod

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Tags: Activities, Adolescence, Christianity, Encouraging, Growing Up, Kids, Maturing, Perseverence, Relationship, Resiliency, Role Models, Serving, Significance, Teens
Categories : Adolescence, Relationship, Resiliency, Social Development, Spiritual Development

Being a Good Loser in Youth Sports

14 09 2009

After a weekend out of town at my son’s soccer tournament, I’m a little tired of hearing, “Did you win?” It was, without question, the single-most popular question of the weekend. Even strangers in the hotel would ask my uniformed son, “Didja win?” And each time he would sadly reply, “No,” followed by an awkward silence.

For an 11-year-old boy who loves to win, it’s not easy, especially when you lose all three games. Especially when you drive 5 hours each way to make it happen.

O for 3.
Winless.
Losers.

And yet he and his teammates played so hard and so well. They did all that their coach asked them to do. They pressured the ball on defense. They stayed spread out. In particular, they passed the ball much better than all the other teams. They put together nice plays and took more shots than the other teams. They kept playing hard, giving their best – body, mind, and heart – even when knocked down over and over without a foul being called. Shot after shot would hit the goalposts or just miss the net. But then they’d give up a breakaway goal to the other team.

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Tags: Activities, Adolescence, Growing Up, Maturing, Parenting, Resiliency, Youth Sports
Categories : Athletics, Education

Life Is Not Fair

3 09 2009

The Pitfall of Comparison (Part 2)

In our house, there is little room for whining and complaining about how “It’s not fair!” or “But all my friends____________, so why can’t I? That’s not fair.” Fair is a taboo word in our home. It’s another F-word. When it rears its ugly head, I jump on it. I will respond with, “Do we really want to talk about what’s fair?” At which point I can choose from a limitless supply of examples of how we are so blessed while others are suffering so much. And we don’t have to look far to see that.

You see, in our house, we have a constant reminder that life is not fair. It is a beautiful reminder.

Our nine-year-old daughter, like everybody on the planet, has gifts and talents, as well as limitations and weaknesses. She is physically beautiful, socially charming, and emotionally intelligent. Honestly, she is one the most delightful people I have ever met, and many other people agree.

Now, before you get too jealous of her (or embittered about my bragging), you should know that she cannot walk, cannot talk, and cannot care for herself in any way. She has severe spastic quadraplegic cerebral palsy, mental retardation, and epilepsy caused by a lack of oxygen at birth. Her brain is damaged and there is no cure. I have lost track of how many surgeries, pieces of mobility equipment, and orthopedic braces she has had. disabledgirl In addition, she eats from a very restricted diet, consisting mostly of fats, in order to control her seizures. Needless to say, she has a very difficult life on many levels. It is not fair. Yet she is happy. She makes the best of what she has been given.

By comparison, I am less happy than she is, even though I have none of her problems. I am very capable and blessed in every area of life; I enjoy a good life, yet I don’t smile and laugh as much as she does everyday. Sometimes I feel deficient compared to her.

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Tags: Christianity, Growing Up, Maturing, Perseverence, Resiliency
Categories : Spiritual Development

Training Up Independent Kids

25 08 2009

Embracing Mistakes; Developing Problem-Solvers

Thomas Edison believed that failure was not a bad thing; it merely directed him closer to success. He embraced his mistakes as opportunities to learn, and he ultimately succeeded as the greatest inventor of all time.

The truth is that you want your children (or students) to learn from their mistakes, which means that you are going to have to be okay with them making mistakes. You want them to learn that they are capable of creating solutions to their own problems. You want them to struggle with fixing their own troubles. And you want them to know that their parents, teachers, and coaches are sources of wisdom and help along the way.

“So at the heart of good parenting is the conviction that the mistakes and failures of our children are not the enemy.” (Silk 51) In fact, mistakes are often the greatest teachers.

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Tags: Adolescence, Communication, Consequences, Education, Encouraging, Growing Up, Hard Work, Independence, Kids, Maturing, Parenting, Perseverence, Preteens, Relationship, Resiliency, Success, Teacher
Categories : Parenting, Resiliency

Growing Up Well

The Leadership of Tim Tebow

Same Lake, Different Boat

Books for Boys

Thanksgiving Child

Role Model Wrestler

Avoiding a Mid-Life Crisis

Being a Good Loser in Youth Sports

Life Is Not Fair

Training Up Independent Kids

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