Book Coming Soon

28 04 2013

Coming in October 2011

Growing Up Well: A Practical Guide to Parenting Young Teens

Middle school is a time in life when many parents adopt a hands-off parenting style. They shake their head and say, “My daughter is a different person now. I don’t get her any more.” In response to this frustration, many parents essentially stop parenting because they do not know what to do any more. It seems like the right thing to do, especially when it creates a temporary peace in the home. But this is a major problem, since children do not raise themselves well, especially in 21st Century America.

Many parents view early adolescence as a “temporary insanity” that can only be survived. But it is not an illness to be endured. It is a natural stage of life that can be wonderful, and it is parents who make all the difference. A parent who develops a good understanding of the age, a positive attitude, and appropriate actions will provide just what a child needs to grow up well.

What a middle school child needs most is a deep connection and some wise guidance from his or her parents. A good parent will strive to become more connected with the child, not less, in this challenging time of life. A well-informed, loving parent will greatly improve the trajectory of the life of a child.

Growing Up Well contains practical advice to help parents of 10-14 year olds make plans for helping their children thrive in middle school, not just survive. It discusses how to:

  • Connect with your middle school child
  • Build a close-knit family
  • Take care of yourself
  • Root out irrational fears
  • Discipline with love
  • Create resiliency and independence
  • Foster a healthy social life
  • Guide their academic, athletic, and artistic life
  • Handle the media and the new electronic devices
  • Create healthy digital citizenship
  • Get your child outdoors
  • Develop work ethic and financial sense

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Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Boys, Disabilities, Discipline, Education, Faith, Family, Friendship, Guidance, health, Materialism, Media Influence, Middle School, Nature, Parenting, Physical Development, Reading, Relationship, Resiliency, Role Models, Self-Discipline, Social Development, Special Needs, Spiritual Development, Technology, Uncategorized, Violence

Good Sports

1 02 2011

Football is just a sport. However, it is a platform for parents and coaches to teach some of life’s most valuable lessons and create some of its most powerful experiences.


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Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Relationship, Role Models, Social Development, Spiritual Development

Failure’s Top Ten List

23 08 2010

1.  Not Everybody Gets A Trophy

Somewhere along the line we became a society that preached instant gratification. Like a giant carnival, our slogan became “everybody wins all the time.” We know it’s not true. It’s also a terrible example to set. Losing is every bit as important in human growth as winning. Rewarding your child for doing nothing will teach him just that. Nothing.

2.  Everyone Has Different Talents

Maybe your daughter wants to be the next Carrie Underwood. Then you hear her sing. Your son wants to be Evan Longoria. He can’t hit the ball off a tee. There are just some things we aren’t cut out for. It’s best to learn that at an early age. The good news is that they are a champion at something. Guide them towards where their gifts lie.

3.  Have Class

What is one of the most flattering descriptions a person can hear? “He sure has a lot of class.” “She sure was a great sport about it.” Are you teaching your children how to fail with dignity? How a person accepts failure is an easy indicator of the character within. It also almost guarantees future success. Respect is gained outwardly and inwardly. Coach Dungy is prime example of “class.”

4.  Learning From Mistakes

“I think and think for months. For years. Ninety-nine times the conclusion is false. The hundredth time I am right.” Who said that? Albert Einstein. Mistakes humble. They can hurt. Yet without them, we are stagnant. Every mistake we make is an educational experience. Every success is built upon a foundation of errors and corrections.

Read the rest of this entry »


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Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Discipline, Education, Resiliency, Self-Discipline, Social Development, Spiritual Development

Role Model Wrestler

3 08 2010

Anthony Robles, is an All-American student-athlete at Arizona State University, where they describe him on their athletic website as… “one of the top high school wrestlers in the nation… won the Arizona state championship twice after finishing sixth as a sophomore… went 48-0 in each of his last two seasons…”  Since high school, he has finished 4th and 7th at the NCAA Wrestling National Championship in the 125 pound division.  By all accounts, he is described as humble, hard-working, studious, and friendly.

The twist to the story is that he was born with only one leg and uses crutches everywhere he goes.  He can run a mile in 8 minutes on crutches and hopes to get it down to just 6 minutes.  For more, check out these videos.


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Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Discipline, Resiliency, Role Models

Fit Kids!

24 07 2010

I’m in the midst of researching youth fitness issues, as I prepare to teach cross-country for the first time this year. My wife suggested Fit Kids! by Dr. Ken Cooper. I’ve been familiar with Dr. Cooper’s work for many years; he has a phenomenal (and massive) health clinic in Dallas.  He actually invented modern aerobics.  Nobody has more breadth and depth of knowledge about general fitness, in my opinion.

All that to say that this book is an excellent resource about kids’ exercise, diet, stress, and sports.  He is not extreme in any way, and he bases his opinions on research, not mere experience.  It’s a bit old (last updated in 1999), but I didn’t find anything that seemed dated in any way.  You can buy it for under $2 from Amazon or $1 on Half.com (my favorite), so it’ll be delivered to your door for about $5.  My wife and I highly recommend it, whether you are a youth sports coach, PE teacher, or a parent.


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Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Education, health, Physical Development

Kindness Matters

5 05 2010

Now and then, the tables are turned, and an everyday kid doing a good deed gets some attention.

Let’s all remember that there are plenty of kids out there growing up and making a difference now.

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Sportsmanship is alive

St. Louis Post-Dispatch

It’s such an easy gesture yet it’s rarely seen…the simple act of sportsmanship.

Early in the game played on the lush fields of Westminster Christian Academy in Creve Coeur, Webster Groves lacrosse player Caroline Burk went down with a leg injury.  As coach Josh Palacios  ran to his player, she was already being attended to by Westminster Christians’s Danielle Pfyl.  The two helped Caroline to the sidelines.

These days the act is rarely seen away from the high school playing fields.

Over the course of covering six St. Louis Cardinals games so far this season, this photographer has seen more jawing between pitchers and hitters, both demanding respect.  In one instance the banter almost resulted in a bench clearing confrontation.

They could learn just a little bit from Danielle.

Read the Comments from both players here.  Wonderful stuff.

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Related Post: athletics-is-a-means-to-an-end


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Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Education, Role Models, Social Development

Youth Sports is a Means to a Greater End

20 04 2010

Every parent of an athletic child wonders if their kid has a shot at the big time.  Well, let’s look at some hard facts related to this question. Just 2 percent of varsity high school athletes will play their sport in college, and only 1 percent will get a scholarship to do so.  Let’s take basketball as an example.  Roughly 1 basketball player from all the athletes from 8 high school teams will get a scholarship.  How many high school basketball players make it to the professional level?  0.03% Yes, that is 3 in 10,000 who make an income playing basketball.  Far less will make the big money in the NBA.  And very few of them play for very long.  The truth of the matter is brutal.  9,997 varsity high school players don’t ever make any money playing basketball; 3 do.  Of those three, two will earn about $40,000 a year in a foreign league until younger players replace them in about five years.  1 in 10,000 will gain some fame and fortune playing ball.

So kids may dream of playing pro ball, but it’s a fantasy for all but a very, very, very few who are extraordinarily talented, extremely hardworking, and exceedingly fortunate to avoid injuries and be seen by the right people at the right time.

So, is it foolish to pursue excellence in sports in high school?  Absolutely not!  But it’s essential that student athletes understand that sports is a great teacher, but it’s a lousy employer (because it isn’t hiring).  Athletics is a means, not an end.  It can teach young people valuable lessons and instill noble character traits that are extremely useful in their careers and in their relationships.

But too many kids and parents are burdened with the belief that they can do it.  They will be the next LeBron James, Roger Federer, or Albert Pujols.  I say “burdened” because the overwhelming evidence says that they will not achieve anywhere near that level of success.  And the result is a young life that is very often ultra-competitive, over-scheduled, and hyper-stressed.   Burnout is common.  Injuries can be severe (torn ACL’s and rotator cuffs among preteens are not unusual now).  Resentment often looms ahead.

Stephen Durant is an expert in youth sports, and his book Whose Game Is It, Anyway? has some excellent advice for parents and coaches of great young athletes.

1.  “Emphasize the development of virtue and character over scoreboard outcome. The development of a good character — the ability to control passion, emotion, and behavior — will always stand children in good stead on and off the playing field… Children, at any talent level, can only be truly successful in life if they possess good character.  Becoming an emotionally balanced person of courage, fairness, self-discipline, and strong ability to work as a member of a team, sets up a person for success in any endeavor, in any place” (Durant).

Read the rest of this entry »


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Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Education, Parenting, Social Development

Our Friend, Failure

8 04 2010

I once heard a speaker named Dan Miller at an educator’s conference tell the audience about how he learned to fly an airplane.  First, you should know that he is disabled from polio as a teenager to the extent that he can only use one arm, and he walks with a serious limp.  His sickness had canceled his first flying lesson; becoming a pilot was his childhood dream.

In his autobiography, he admits that “Planes require two good hands and two good legs to work the controls, yokes, radio, and rudder pedals.  ‘Airplanes crash,’ they would say.  ‘You’ll kill yourself.’  ‘You only have one good arm.’ ‘Your legs are too weak.’  I heard a lot of dream-breaker statements… My first lesson was awful!  I had to reach across my body for the flaps, throttle, and trim.  Every time I’d reach for them, the plane would dip, tip, and do everything but fly straight and level.  I went all over the sky.  I couldn’t fly.  My lesson was a total failure.  But I could give up on my dream yet… The next try, though still not good, was better.  I tell people, ‘If it worth doing, it’s worth doing poorly at first.’

Dan eventually got his pilot’s license and has enjoyed many years of flying adventures.  He also taught himself to play golf with only one arm, and he’s good.  He scores in the mid-80′s regularly and has a hole-in-one to his credit.  Impressive.

Anything worth doing well is worth doing poorly at first.  That is wisdom for all ages.  We need to embrace failure as a friend who is honest enough to tell us that we still need to work harder, listen to others, think more clearly, and learn more information. Failure has something to teach us every time.  That’s what makes people successful — learning from mistakes and persevering slowly toward the goal.

Consider this…

Whether it’s a left-handed layup, a math problem, or a new technological skill, kids need to be encouraged to do things poorly at first, then a little better each time, until they make real progress.  Then encourage them some more.  “See! I knew you could do it! You have improved so much! I’m proud of you. Really proud.”

Try it.

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Categories : Adolescence, Discipline, Resiliency, Self-Discipline

Our Food Crisis

3 03 2010

As a middle school track coach, I get the privilege of educating young athletes about the importance of eating and drinking things which will help them feel better as they practice and perform better in competition.  It’s a crash course in nutrition, but I am amazed at how many of them will make real changes in their diet, based on just a little bit of education and motivation.

Jaimie Oliver is a pioneer in this area, and we all have something, if not a lot of things, to learn from him about how to help kids grow up well.  This is for the benefit of all kids, not just the obese.


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Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Education, Physical Development, Self-Discipline

Beyond Beauty and Athletics

23 01 2010

Athletic talent is instant karma for the social status of any young man.  In modern American mythology, the quarterback is the hero.

It’s easy for the athletically-gifted boy to be well-respected and popular because he is always among the biggest, fastest, strongest, and most coordinated boys in his grade.  Anytime there is a physical contest, which is pretty much every hour of every day in a boy’s life, he succeeds.  He gets picked first – maybe second – every time.  And that is just the beginning of the fun.  Win or lose, his God-given talent is on stage for all of his peers to see, sometimes garnering instant applause.  Later, he will bask in the glory of hearing others review some great move or play he made.  His friends will enter his bedroom to see a wall full of trophies, ribbons, and medals.  In high school, he will see his name and picture in the local newspaper.  It’s “The Life” for a boy.

For the most elite athlete, he doesn’t feel the NEED to be a good student, have a witty personality, or have great social skills.  In some cases, he doesn’t even need to practice as hard as the others.  He just needs to put on his shoes and go play ball and success happens because he has IT – the gift of athleticism.  So, he gets self-esteem automatically, friends easily, and it can spoil him to the point where he is no longer developing in other important areas.  His peers allow him to coast – and not grow up well.

And so it is with the beautiful girl. Everybody knows who she is. From the earliest age, people stare at her, trying to figure out what makes her so pretty.  What’s her secret?  All of her pictures turn out well because she is naturally photogenic.  Her facial features are perfectly symmetrical with high cheekbones and bright eyes. Her skin is clear and bright. Her hair easily folds into the latest hairstyle, and her figure just gets better each year.  She is Venus, goddess of love and beauty, who needs no decoration or modification.  In modern mythology, the beautiful cheerleader is the goddess who captivates the hero.

She simply smiles politely, and everybody adores her.  She doesn’t have to speak intelligently, get good grades, or have a snappy sense of humor.  Her name is written on binders at school, and all eyes are on her in the halls.  Read the rest of this entry »


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Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Parenting, Physical Development, Social Development

Liars, Cheaters, and Role Models

1 01 2010

This week on the car radio, I overheard the most obnoxious sports radio talk show host furiously ranting and raving about how corrupt professional and big college sports have become.  It went something like this: “Don’t let your kids idolize anyone in sports today!  It’s an ugly business, full of greediness, lying, cheating, and everything that is wrong with this world.  There are no role models in sports anymore!“  To me, it was a shocking rant because his livelihood is made from talking about sports, yet there he was betraying his industry with the most extreme language.  He didn’t “pull a punch” or let anyone off the hook.  He explained with the utmost disgust that all professional and big college athletes, coaches, and executives are tainted by the money, the power, and the fame.

It troubled me as I thought of the players from my childhood who were my role models: Cal Ripken Jr., Lou Brock, John Stockton, Roger Staubach, and Walter Payton.  I thought about some of the role models that I have in sports now:  Peyton Manning, Kurt Warner, Albert Pujols, and others.  Are they in some way corrupt too?  Are they just putting on a show for the public?  Or are they just the extreme minority — one of just a very few people in the sports industry who have stayed grounded in spite of all the corruption around them?  Or is this radio host just off his rocker once again?

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Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Role Models, Social Development


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