New Book: Growing Up Well in the 21st Century

28 04 2013

Coming Soon: Fall 2013

Growing Up Well in the 21st Century: Raising Today’s Middle School Children

Middle school is a time in life when many parents adopt a hands-off parenting style. They shake their head and say, “My daughter is a different person now. I don’t get her any more.” In response to this frustration, many parents essentially stop parenting because they do not know what to do any more. It seems like the right thing to do, especially when it creates a temporary peace in the home. But this is a major problem, since children do not raise themselves well, especially in 21st Century America.

Many parents view early adolescence as a “temporary insanity” that can only be survived. But it is not an illness to be endured. It is a natural stage of life that can be wonderful, and it is parents who make all the difference. A parent who develops a good understanding of the age, a positive attitude, and appropriate actions will provide just what a child needs to grow up well.

What a middle school child needs most is a deep connection and some wise guidance from his or her parents. A good parent will strive to become more connected with the child, not less, in this challenging time of life. A well-informed, loving parent will greatly improve the trajectory of the life of a child.

Growing Up Well in the 21st Century contains practical advice to help parents of 10-14 year olds make plans for helping their children thrive in middle school, not just survive. It discusses how to:

  • Connect with your middle school child
  • Build a close-knit family
  • Take care of yourself
  • Root out irrational fears
  • Discipline with love
  • Create resiliency and independence
  • Foster a healthy social life
  • Guide their academic, athletic, and artistic life
  • Handle the media and the new electronic devices
  • Create healthy digital citizenship
  • Get your child outdoors
  • Develop work ethic and financial sense

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Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Boys, Disabilities, Discipline, Education, Faith, Family, Friendship, Guidance, health, Materialism, Media Influence, Middle School, Nature, Parenting, Physical Development, Reading, Relationship, Resiliency, Role Models, Self-Discipline, Social Development, Special Needs, Spiritual Development, Technology, Uncategorized, Violence

High-Tech Tools in Schools

3 07 2012

Too Much Tech at School?

Bring Your Own Device (BYOD) is a popular trend sweeping schools this year. Schools with BYOD policies will be asking students to bring an Internet-Connected Mobile Device (smartphones, tablets, laptops) to school each day. Many educators believe that in the very-near future most books for school (textbooks, novels, workbooks) will be stored on a digital device instead of stuffed in a locker or backpack. This new movement is being met with some excitement, some trepidation, and lots of questions.

As with all new high-tech devices, there is an awkward break-in period, in which developers rapidly create new applications and accessories, users experiment excitedly with various functions, and society struggles to manage the consequences. It takes at least a decade for the dust to settle. Just think of the cell phone. It’s been around for twenty years, and people are still struggling with how to use it in a productive but healthy way. We still lack a standard set of “rules of the road” for cell phones. Since BYOD is just beginning, I would like to offer my own set of questions and concerns.

I own a MacBook and an iPad, and they are tremendous tools for me as a teacher and a writer. I use them daily, and they serve me well. They are not evil inventions. Far from it. As with every bit of technology, they are not immoral. The devil is in the details of their usage.

Whether it’s an iPhone, iPod, or iPad, it is a multi-functional devices that is not a simple educational tool. It is a video camera, a Facebook device, a YouTube player, a video game console, an email station, a texting device, a music and video player, among countless other fun applications.

Michael Simon, in his new book titled The Approximate Parent, says “Digital media is ever-present and incredibly attractive to teen brains — especially teen brains that register novelty, risk-taking and the feeling of connection as highly pleasurable. The Internet, gaming, and use of social media are addicting.” We need to realize that these devices are not just another tool in a line of educational tools, the way the VHS followed the film strip projector.

There is an age-appropriate time and place for these digital devices, and I believe it is our task as parents and educators to make those decisions for the young people in our care. This is no small task. In fact, Read the rest of this entry »


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Categories : Adolescence, Education, Middle School, Reading, Technology

Parenting Digital Kids

2 07 2012

Life Beyond the Screens

If you ask most teens what item is their most prized, important possession, they will say it’s their smartphone. In fact, I’ve heard teens say that if they could only take one thing on a deserted island it would be their smartphone, in spite of the fact that it would be useless once the battery dies. A lot of kids use their phones constantly and are addicted to the internet. They sleep with them and answer text messages in the middle of the night. They absolutely panic when they can’t find it or when someone takes it from them for even a second. They are quite open about it too; they admit that it’s a vital part of their existence.

 

The concern about technology’s impact upon the social, emotional, and spiritual development of our boys and girls is growing. “The average amount of time a preteen spends in front of a “screen” (including TV, DVD, video player, pre-recorded programming, video game, computer, etc.) is approximately 37 hours per week. This reality is in sharp contrast to the 7-14 hours per week recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics.” (tweenparent.com)

Read the rest of this entry »


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Categories : Adolescence, Boys, health, Media Influence, Middle School, Parenting, Social Development, Technology

Introducing Kids to Nature

27 06 2012

How to Turn Kids On To Nature

I can’t tell you how many times one of my middle school students has melted down because he or she could not find his or her cell phone. They just come unglued.

Most kids are hooked on their screens. In fact, many of them are better named “screenagers,” addicted to digital images and text. They bounce from their cell phone screen to their television screen to their computer screen to their iPad screen, and in many cases their screens are all on at the same time. It’s quite an exciting existence to the average teenager. They can’t think of anything more interesting than laying on a comfortable couch in front of a satellite-connected high-definition TV, with their smartphone and X-Box controller on the coffee table, their iPad on the lap, and the computer nearby (just in case). If you think I am exaggerating, just ask a teenager if they think that sounds like a nice way to spend a summer day.

These screens are more like screen-doors or screen-windows than windows to the real world. You can see and hear things to some extent, but the clarity and depth perception is inferior. You are not fully in the world, even though you can hear and see and maybe even feel some of what’s happening out there. These digital doorways are virtual experiences at best.

The best way we can unhook them is not to take away all their screen time and tell them to go read a book. The answer is to get them hooked on something even more interactive and real than what’s on their screen. And what better antidote for digital addiction than fishing, hiking, or hunting?

Jake Hindman, an agent with the Missouri Conservation Department and a true outdoorsman, speaks to adults around the state about how to get kids interested in the outdoors. Here is a summary of his 3-point sermon: Read the rest of this entry »


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Categories : Adolescence, Boys, Education, Friendship, health, Media Influence, Nature, Physical Development, Social Development, Technology

A Revolution Is Upon Us

1 06 2012

This from a CNN article titled, “Is the Internet hurting children?” by Chelsea Clinton and James P. Steyer, Special to CNN.

“Howard Gardner, a professor and researcher at the Harvard Graduate School of Education who developed the concept of multiple intelligences, calls kids’ use of digital media and technology “epochal change.” He compares the revolution in digital media to the invention of the printing press because of its extraordinary impact on the way we communicate, share information and interact with one another. As a society, we have no choice but to engage with this new reality and work to ensure that it affects our kids in healthy, responsible ways.“

I absolutely agree with this notion that we are passing through a threshold of societal change, and it’s the kids who are the pioneers. We are passing from one era to the next, and we are all pretty clueless about the ramifications. Click here to read the article for yourself. It is brief but well-written. Read the rest of this entry »


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Categories : Adolescence, Media Influence, Parenting, Social Development, Technology

The Electronic Paradox – Part 1

27 05 2012

My cell phone is not smart, my television is not thin, and my car plays cassette tapes. It’s not that I can’t afford better technology, it’s just that I don’t want to own all the latest, greatest techno-gadgets. I’ve chosen to be a “late adopter” or a “casual user” of technology. It’s not that I don’t like electronic toys; in fact, I am prone to love gadgets too much. After all, I grew up in the 80’s when electronic gadgetry really took off, and I know that I can be easily seduced into the eternal vortex of buying new electronic gear. So to avoid electronic addictions, I try to steer clear of Best Buy and its seductive advertisements, and yet I love my MacBook and all that it allows me to experience: my blog, three email accounts, FaceBook, Twitter, Netflix, Hulu, and free access to countless fascinating articles online.

Personally, I vacillate with my use of new technology. For two years, I used an Apple iPod Touch as my personal digital assistant. It served as my calendar, address book, list maker, internet browser, and it contained dozens of apps to help me stay organized and informed. I carried it with me all day, every day, until I lost it in the woods on a hunting trip, ironically (I wonder what the squirrels and worms think of it). Ultimately, I decided to replace it with the old paper calendar / day-timer system because I realized that I had become addicted to that little handheld internet-connected device. I couldn’t NOT look at it for more than an hour, and typically I would quickly check something (email, Facebook, or the news) anytime I had a minute to kill. I didn’t want to struggle with digital addiction anymore, so I went low-tech to gain back some of my humanity. Read the rest of this entry »


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Categories : Media Influence, Social Development, Technology

Life in the Shallows vs. Life at Sea

22 11 2010

In the area of technology and society, nobody is an expert because we just don’t know what the long-term effects are.  In fact, nobody even knows what a digital life will look like five years from now.  Most of us don’t even understand what is going on right now.

This video displays many of the realities of the digital lives of teenagers and young adults in 2010.  I think you’ll find it enjoyable, informational, and thought-provoking.

Jordan is a complex picture of modern adolescence, so it’s not as if this portrait can be labeled as entirely good or bad.  However, there are two things that are striking about this video: 1. Jordan is alone and 2. his social connections and activities all exist to serve himself.  In a word, I’d describe his relationships as “immature.”  In many ways, it is a sad picture of someone whose primary motivation is to entertain himself.  Jordan is living for himself and having a pretty good time.

While Jordan is not an evil young man, he is clearly living a life in the shallow end of the pool.  He has not grown up yet.

Hopefully, we can raise a generation with a reality that is more rich in meaning than this. Here is an example of a man and his family who are living life well, in spite of daily trials and extreme tragedies.  Furthermore, they are passing good character on down to the next generation.  Prepare yourself for the remarkable story of Ed Thomas, his family, and his community.

And to accept the award…


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Categories : Adolescence, Friendship, Media Influence, Relationship, Resiliency, Role Models, Social Development

Video Games

13 07 2010

I grew up with the Atari 2600 video game system.  It was the cultural phenomenon of 1978, right along with Star Wars (I was a nut for both).  To go from the old Pong game system to Space Invaders, Pac Man, Pitfall, and Asteroids seemed like a giant leap for all mankind.  I had such fun playing those games, saving up my money to buy another cartridge, and swapping stories and games with my friends.  Perhaps I wasted some hours of life along the way, especially in the long days of summer, but all in all, it was good clean fun.

Flash forward 33 summers later.  My son just turned 12, and like all boys, loves to play video games on his X-Box.  As a matter of fact, right now he is playing a video hockey game with a friend.  They just finished playing soccer and wiffle ball outside, so it’s a great way to cool down indoors on this steamy July afternoon.

This is what I love about video games.  It can be a very social activity for boys and girls to play in between more active, creative activities. Sometimes, my son and I will play a game when we are wiped out from the other activities of the day, and we just want to chill out and have some fun.  We tease each other and laugh a lot, as we play a game that keeps us acting and reacting to each others’ onscreen moves.  Mostly, he wins, which makes him feel great, but most importantly, we enjoy the free-spirited competition –  the laughs, the taunts, the punches — much more than the game itself.

As with every good thing, there can be too much of it.  Here’s one of many articles about the negative effects of too much gaming. Certainly, moderation is paramount with video games. Read the rest of this entry »


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Categories : Adolescence, health, Media Influence, Parenting, Social Development, Technology

Texting vs. Talking

26 04 2010

There is no doubt that text messaging can be, in the right situations, the most efficient, convenient form of communication ever invented.  It’s genius.

However, there is a tremendous amount of doubt about whether, on the whole, it actually improves human communication, especially among young people.  Many people feel that it is stunting the development of a variety of communication skills in teens.  And it’s not just the naysayers who don’t understand the technology who are skeptical about the long-term effects of heavy texting.  It’s the early adopters, the ones who have been text messaging a lot for a long time who are concerned.

NPR put together a nice report which succinctly describes the situation.  While it doesn’t offer solutions, it does provide a clear snapshot of where we are with this mostly youth-driven phenomenom.

Listen here to the 4 minute mp3 file NPR report on Texting Teens.

Here’s a few thoughts on texting etiquette for adults and teens (click here).

Other ideas (not all good for every situation):

  • Don’t give your preteen a texting cell phone.  Wait as long as possible.
  • Have a cell phone docking station (basket or box on a shelf) in the kitchen where kids dock their phones for meal time, family time, bed time, and any time that you want some text-free time.
  • Have an “electronic sabbath” as a family, in which everybody stays unplugged for a certain number of hours.  Try a whole day sometime.  Read more at the blog post “Do You Need a Digital Sabbath.”
  • Try to avoid multi-tasking so much.  Research is proving that it doesn’t work well, even though you think it does.  Encourage kids to mono-task: do one thing at a time well.
  • Have kids pay their own cell phone bill.  Or compromise: they pay for texts and data service.
  • Use texting as a tool of encouragement.  Make it a ministry of love — for birthdays especially.
  • Use texting to encourage others to vote on election day or to pray for  or do something for someone in great need.
  • Make a rule that you cannot text someone in the same room or house.
  • LEAVE A COMMENT IF YOU HAVE ANOTHER IDEA.

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Categories : Adolescence, Technology

Beware of ChatRoulette

28 02 2010

Once again, we have a new use of the internet which is flat out dangerous to kids.  Thank you, Common Sense Media, for looking into this.  Please read the full review at Common Sense Media.  Here’s an excerpt…

“The first time on CHATROULETTE is an unnerving experience. Almost immediately upon entering the site (there’s no log in or registration) you’re face-to-face with a total stranger whose saying “Hi” and asking you where you’re from. It’s an experience unlike anything else on the Internet right now. Created by a 17-year-old student in Russia, Chatroulette combinines the social networking of Facebook, with the web cam abilities of Skype this site takes full advantage of the anonymous capability of the Internet. You are just “You” and the person on the other end of the screen is just “Stranger.” The site itself isn’t much to look at, just bare bones text boxes and camera squares, but really that is enough in itself.

“The technology isn’t new by any means, however this use definitely is. The scariness of seeing a string of strange men’s naked torsos is enough to send most people fleeing from the site in terror, however there is something strangely addicting to this social “gambling” that speaks volumes to the human condition. Look for more regulated sites springing up that tweak this concept and reign in the content in the near future. Also expect to hear a lot more about this site as it explodes onto the mainstream. Whatever you do, don’t let your kids use it.”

This new form of Russian Roulette will be pointed right at our kids, unless we keep a close watch.  May this serve as a reminder that kids need a lot of guidance and supervision as they use the internet.  Here are some excellent safety guidelines from Common Sense Media.


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Categories : Adolescence, Media Influence, Parenting, Social Development, Technology

Urgent Information of the Age

18 02 2010

I cannot emphasize this enough.  If you are a parent, a teacher, a coach, or have any connection with a young person, you must see Frontline’s “Digital Nation”!

You will not regret it.  I have seen it twice and will see it again.  You need this.  Your kids need this.  Put it on your “to do” list, and make it happen.  Click here for the full 90-minute version online.


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Categories : Education, Media Influence, Social Development, Technology


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