“Senior class president, she must be heaven sent. She was never the last one standing. A beautiful debutant, everything that you want. Never too harsh or too demanding. Maybe I’ll admit it, I’m a little bitter. Everybody loves her, but I just wanna hit her. I don’t know why I’m feeling sorry for myself. I spend all my time wishing that I was someone else.” (from the song “The Girl Next Door,” by Saving Jane)
Adolescents ask themselves all sorts of questions related to their identity. Am I athletic and strong enough to play varsity? Am I good looking and fashionable enough? Do I have the cool clothes and gear? Do I like the right kind of music? Do I have the right friends?
Even long after high school, we measure ourselves by how we compare with our peers. Depending on our values, we assess our self-worth based on things like our socio-economic status (house, neighborhood, cars, vacations, private schools), educational level, beauty, fashion, fitness, career success, and even our volunteer activities.
It’s human nature. We judge ourselves (and each other) in every area that we value. If we value athletics, then that is how we compare ourselves to others. If we value fashion, then that is how we compare ourselves with others. However, we need to learn that anytime we compare ourselves to anyone else, we are falling into a pitfall, a trap without any good results.
There are three possible outcomes when we compare ourselves with someone else:
Continue reading The Pitfall of Comparison
Children of the Screen
As much as I like FaceBook and text messaging, I know that it needs to be limited a great deal in my life. Like so many things, I have learned over the years to balance good things like FB and texting so that they don’t take up all my time and energy. In fact, for most adults, we know our limits, whether it’s ice cream, television, shopping, or wine. We may blow it now and then, but we learn to balance, or else it consumes us and we suffer in the long-run.
Unfortunately, teens and preteens are not very good at balancing the good things in their lives. I remember coming home from high school football practice and eating an entire large bag of Doritos and a couple bottles of Yoo-Hoo as a snack. I remember watching three movies in a row on summer nights. I remember playing video games for five hours straight. And this was not at all unusual for me or for my friends. Kids, by nature, are much more impulsive, much less logical, and much less educated about the consequences of their behavior. They do because they can, and they don’t truly believe that there can be too much of a good thing.
Here is an article which describes the addiction of texting and Facebook in the lives of so many teens. It’s worth reading. Click here
This is where we, the adults, need to get involved and discuss the consequences of electronic addictions. We need to provide leadership.
First, we need to understand the power of teenage addictions – that teens are far more prone to addictive behavior, and their brains record those good feelings intensely and permanently. It sets the default buttons in the brain, so that when the child grows older, those addictions come back again and again. In other words, a teen who is addicted to something will feel that pull toward that particular addiction throughout his or her life.
Continue reading Teenage Media Addiction