Growing Up Well

  • Protecting Kids From the Inside Out

    Unlike consumer products, parenting comes without instructions or guarantees. We all want our children to grow up happy, healthy, successful, and involved with positive-minded family and friends. However, our children live in a broken world, and it has a way of breaking young people, sooner or later, one way or another. But there is real…

  • What Does it Mean to Grow Up?

    This is the time of year when I start to see some signs of maturity in my 7th grade students. Many of them are growing up, and I’m actually starting to see it, much like the first shoots of daffodils this time of year. In my English class we read a few coming-of-age novels. Recently,…

  • You win some; you lose some

    Life is unfair – extraordinarily unfair. Sometimes the good guys lose, while the bad guys revel in their victory.  Sometimes, evil dictators prevail for decades, while innocent children starve and suffering saints are martyred.  Is this too much for kids to handle?  Dare we tell them the truth? I think the truth sets kids free. …

  • Loving Grandpa

    One of my favorite 7th grade essays ever is this memoir about a grandfather. Ashley Aucker, is now a 25 year old, wife, mother, singer, and songwriter. She was a sweet, quiet little 12 year old in my 7th grade English class many years ago when she wrote this essay. It blew me away then,…

  • Raising Boys to be Real Men

    Boys are misunderstood.  Too often, they are disciplined and shamed by their teachers, parents, or grandparents because it is falsely assumed that good boys should act just like good girls. Raising boys is a topic of numerous books, but one that stands out is Raising Cain, by Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson.  I had the…

  • Reading Textbooks Well

    Reading a Textbook Well       How to Read Smarter, not Harder       When reading a school textbook, a fluent reader will:  1.  Survey all the titles, headings, vocabulary terms, tables, and questions because he knows that those things hold big clues about the overall purpose and meaning of the text. 2.  Read quickly but carefully,…

  • Middle School: Top Ten Things to Know

    The following is an open letter from my boss, Steve Hall, Head of Middle School at Westminster Christian Academy, to our parents. It’s one of my favorite pieces about teaching and parenting young teens. ——————————————————————————————————- Dear Parents, The middle school years are a unique time of life.  It is crazy, wonderful, exciting and baffling. As a…

  • Growing Up Too Fast

    Our culture tends to throw kids in the deep-end of the pool without teaching them how to swim. Kids are given adult freedoms and privileges, without the responsibilities and training to help them handle it.  Now more than ever, it’s essential to give kids age-appropriate responsibilities, privileges, and freedoms. Knowing exactly what is and is…

  • Doodling

    My wife, my 13 year old son, and I went to see The Taming of the Shrew outdoors last night in Forest Park.  Since it’s a free and first-class show, we had to get there very early to get a spot with any sort of good view.  Before the show started, just as we settled…

  • Parenting With and Without Fear

    Fear is universal.  Columnist Dave Barry writes, “All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears — of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, or speaking before a Rotary Club, and of the words “Some Assembly Required.” We are all deeply motivated by our fears, and…

  • I Wish You Failure

    Once again, I offer an article from NPR’s This I Believe.  Jon Carroll started at the San Francisco Chronicle editing the crossword puzzle and writing TV listings. He has been a columnist for the paper since 1982. Last week, my granddaughter started kindergarten, and, as is conventional, I wished her success. I was lying. What…

  • Powerful Blessings

    There are countless ways that an adult can bless a young person.  In Trent & Smalley’s book, The Blessing: Giving the Gift of Unconditional Love and Acceptance, dozens of specific examples are given by people who were greatly blessed by their parents.  Here are a few of those testimonies.  Surely there is something here which…

  • Building a Better Brain

    Snooze time It is essential that children get the proper amount of rest. Follow the recommendations of your pediatrician – at least eight hours per night. Not only will your kids be more alert and ready to learn, they will have much happier attitudes. Set a bed time for your child and stick to it.…

  • I Believe in Encouragement

    By Lauren Baum, in her senior English class at Westminster Christian Academy, St. Louis (Class of 2011). Without any hesitation, he said, “I’d be better off dead.” Hearing those words come out of my best friend’s mouth tore my heart apart. He has repeated that phrase more than once, and my mind continually plays it…

  • The Power of No (Part 3)

    Young teenagers often “cross the line.” It’s inevitable, so it should not surprise us. Yet, we should not just acquiesce to the lowest common denominator: “Boys will be boys.” It’s our job as adults to help young boys and girls to live well and to move towards becoming young men and women. Adolescence should be…

  • The Power of No (Part 2)

    Sometimes a bad example is as motivating as a good one. I had just such an experience last Saturday: Guitar Center is now my son’s “candy store.”  There are so many flavors to sample: Stratocaster, Telecaster, Les Paul, and Gretsch to name a very few.  Saturdays are the worst day to shop there because there…

  • The Power of No (Part 1)

    Anthony Bourdain, is an American chef, author, and television personality. He is well-known as the host of the Travel Channel‘s culinary and cultural adventure program Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations. Tony is a rebel; it’s in his blood, and he has used that iconoclastic attitude in a largely positive way – as an aspiring international chef…

  • The Race to Nowhere

    The Race to Nowhere is a film that will make you think deeply about what a good education looks like.  It will challenge your beliefs about the nature of homework, AP classes, and college preparation.  You will re-think what a “successful kid” should do in middle school, high school, and college because, in many ways,…

  • Good Sports

    Football is just a sport. However, it is a platform for parents and coaches to teach some of life’s most valuable lessons and create some of its most powerful experiences.

  • How to Negotiate with Children

    In a recent panel discussion about parenting on National Public Radio, “When No Means No” (11 minutes of audio), some moms and a family therapist were debating the extent to which parents should negotiate with their children.  It is an interesting discussion about how children need to learn to negotiate at home so that they…

  • Books for Boys

    Finding a well-written, entertaining book for a boy who hates to read is always a challenge.   Woods Runner, by Gary Paulsen, grabs your attention at the get-go. It opens, “One day, it seemed he was eleven and playing in the dirt around the cabin or helping with chores, and the next, he was thirteen,…

  • Questions to Ask Kids

    Kids want to be known, and not just by their parents (their #1 source of value).  They want their teachers, coaches, scout leaders, and neighbors to know their names, their interests, and their talents.  Granted, some kids seem to want to be left alone, but even the shy ones deeply desire to be known by…

  • The Wrong Kind of Pain

    Generally speaking, children who face difficulties will grow up stronger in the long run.  They earn a host of other character qualities, forged in the fires of adolescence.  I say “generally” because there are some trials which are truly damaging to the soul of a child: molestation being one that comes to mind.  But intense,…

  • The Value of Pain

    As I walk through the halls after school, there is a barrage of faces along my path.  Some I know well; some I don’t know at all.  Some are happy; some look very frustrated.  But all of these kids have stories inside.  Some of their stories are silly — full of joy from a life…

  • Raising the Perfect Parent

    Always Kiss Me Good Night: Instructions on Raising the Perfect Parent (compiled by J.S. Salt) is the best advice that kids (ages 8-12) have for parents. Here are a few gems. Make me be beautiful. (Jackie) Write notes on my lunch box napkin. (Jenny) Think when you were a kid and not yell so much.…

  • Failure’s Top Ten List

    1.  Not Everybody Gets A Trophy Somewhere along the line we became a society that preached instant gratification. Like a giant carnival, our slogan became “everybody wins all the time.” We know it’s not true. It’s also a terrible example to set. Losing is every bit as important in human growth as winning. Rewarding your…

  • Back to School – Sleep Needed

    Today was the first day of school for me and my new students.  It was a truly exciting and exhausting day.  Many of us did not sleep well last night, as our brains buzzed with so many random things to do, to remember, and to worry about.  And on top of a little sleep deprivation,…

  • Fandango: How boys make friends

    fandango  |fanˈda ng gō|  noun 1. a lively Spanish dance. 2. a foolish or useless act or thing. In May 1993, six young men on the cusp of college graduation, decided to forgo the prudent way to spend the final two days before final exams, in favor of driving south all night toward Mexico in…

  • Prepare Them for Life

    Protection and provision are not enough. “Here’s the paradox: If we protect our children too absolutely, we actually end up exposing them to other risks.  And leave them without the skills, experiences, and minor life lessons that they’ll need to handle the big challenges as they grow up.” (Perri Klass, M.D.) When children are very…

  • Video Games

    I grew up with the Atari 2600 video game system.  It was the cultural phenomenon of 1978, right along with Star Wars (I was a nut for both).  To go from the old Pong game system to Space Invaders, Pac Man, Pitfall, and Asteroids seemed like a giant leap for all mankind.  I had such…

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