From the Mouths of Babes

This from a 6th grade teacher who I respect a great deal:

I teach a class titled Emerging Leaders, and we talk about “self awareness” to start the quarter. For the lesson I was doing, I decided that asking these 2 questions would be interesting.

1. Name one or two things that your parents to that make you feel awesome and that you will do when you have children some day.
2. Name one or two things that you will do differently when you become a parent.

Hold on to your hat, because I love these answers! Kids really DO need boundaries and DO want to spend time with parents, and they don’t want to fight with their folks. They want to be listened to. Enjoy.

What I love that my parents do:

Have a family night
Helping with homework
Take me to the movies
Shopping at stores that I like
I can tell my mom ANYTHING (good or bad) and they love me no matter how annoying I am
My parents will always love me, no matter what, and they will always be on my side
Me and my dad always play catch
My parents never stop loving me
They will ALWAYS go to my sporting events.
When I win, they always cheer me on
I will go shoppnig with my daughter and make her feel special
Having a night that we all do something together
Being proud of good grades
My dad wrestles with me when I’m down to cheer me up, and my mom rewards me for getting good grades and doing chores.
They make me eat healthy
My parents still rough house with me and play games
I like when my parents take me out to an attraction of some kind or when we go on vacation.
I will give my kids many opportunities
I will go shopping with my daughter
Go fishing
Go out to eat as a family
I will pass down a family “blanket”
Have a family night
Have a pet and take care of it together
I want to appreciate my kids
I’m going to listen to my kids before I ground or punish them.
I’ll give my kids allowance and rewards for good behavior.
I will let my kids start having decaf coffee at age 10
I will reward good behavior and punish bad behavior
I will go to the movies
Just spend time with me for an hour or 2
I will give my kids some freedom at age 11
I will be kind and gentle to my kids.

Things I won’t do:

I won’t tell my kids bad things about themselves
I won’t cuss at my kids
I won’t make them do so many chores.  I have other stuff to do like homework and sports
I will listen to my child’s side of the story before I punish them
I won’t be super strict about a lot of things
I won’t be too hard on my kids
I wont’ work super late. I will have time for my kids
I won’t make my kids eat something they don’t like
I will change how I punish my kids
I wont’ fight with my kids at all
I won’t yell at my kids or them them get in with a bad crowd
I won’t let my kids watch too much TV
My kids will get phones when they get to junior high school
I won’t yell and scream at my kids
I won’t make them feel bad by saying “I had nothing when I was your age or I have horrible parents”

 

Weak Language

 

We often chastise young people for using “strong language,” but there is an equal or greater problem with kids, especially girls, who use weak language.

Consider the use of the following “words” among kids, and consider how you can guide them to use stronger language:

like

just

kinda

sorta

maybe

y’know

know-what-I-mean

know-what-I’m-sayin’

well

um

and he’s like

and I’m like

and they’re all like

and um

I don’t know

duh

like yeah

 

High-Tech Tools in Schools

Too Much Tech at School?

Bring Your Own Device (BYOD) is a popular trend sweeping schools this year. Schools with BYOD policies will be asking students to bring an Internet-Connected Mobile Device (smartphones, tablets, laptops) to school each day. Many educators believe that in the very-near future most books for school (textbooks, novels, workbooks) will be stored on a digital device instead of stuffed in a locker or backpack. This new movement is being met with some excitement, some trepidation, and lots of questions.

As with all new high-tech devices, there is an awkward break-in period, in which developers rapidly create new applications and accessories, users experiment excitedly with various functions, and society struggles to manage the consequences. It takes at least a decade for the dust to settle. Just think of the cell phone. It’s been around for twenty years, and people are still struggling with how to use it in a productive but healthy way. We still lack a standard set of “rules of the road” for cell phones. Since BYOD is just beginning, I would like to offer my own set of questions and concerns.

I own a MacBook and an iPad, and they are tremendous tools for me as a teacher and a writer. I use them daily, and they serve me well. They are not evil inventions. Far from it. As with every bit of technology, they are not immoral. The devil is in the details of their usage.

Whether it’s an iPhone, iPod, or iPad, it is a multi-functional devices that is not a simple educational tool. It is a video camera, a Facebook device, a YouTube player, a video game console, an email station, a texting device, a music and video player, among countless other fun applications.

Michael Simon, in his new book titled The Approximate Parent, says “Digital media is ever-present and incredibly attractive to teen brains — especially teen brains that register novelty, risk-taking and the feeling of connection as highly pleasurable. The Internet, gaming, and use of social media are addicting.” We need to realize that these devices are not just another tool in a line of educational tools, the way the VHS followed the film strip projector.

There is an age-appropriate time and place for these digital devices, and I believe it is our task as parents and educators to make those decisions for the young people in our care. This is no small task. In fact, Continue reading “High-Tech Tools in Schools”

Parenting Digital Kids

Life Beyond the Screens

If you ask most teens what item is their most prized, important possession, they will say it’s their smartphone. In fact, I’ve heard teens say that if they could only take one thing on a deserted island it would be their smartphone, in spite of the fact that it would be useless once the battery dies. A lot of kids use their phones constantly and are addicted to the internet. They sleep with them and answer text messages in the middle of the night. They absolutely panic when they can’t find it or when someone takes it from them for even a second. They are quite open about it too; they admit that it’s a vital part of their existence.

 

The concern about technology’s impact upon the social, emotional, and spiritual development of our boys and girls is growing. “The average amount of time a preteen spends in front of a “screen” (including TV, DVD, video player, pre-recorded programming, video game, computer, etc.) is approximately 37 hours per week. This reality is in sharp contrast to the 7-14 hours per week recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics.” (tweenparent.com)

Continue reading “Parenting Digital Kids”

Introducing Kids to Nature

How to Turn Kids On To Nature

I can’t tell you how many times one of my middle school students has melted down because he or she could not find his or her cell phone. They just come unglued.

Most kids are hooked on their screens. In fact, many of them are better named “screenagers,” addicted to digital images and text. They bounce from their cell phone screen to their television screen to their computer screen to their iPad screen, and in many cases their screens are all on at the same time. It’s quite an exciting existence to the average teenager. They can’t think of anything more interesting than laying on a comfortable couch in front of a satellite-connected high-definition TV, with their smartphone and X-Box controller on the coffee table, their iPad on the lap, and the computer nearby (just in case). If you think I am exaggerating, just ask a teenager if they think that sounds like a nice way to spend a summer day.

These screens are more like screen-doors or screen-windows than windows to the real world. You can see and hear things to some extent, but the clarity and depth perception is inferior. You are not fully in the world, even though you can hear and see and maybe even feel some of what’s happening out there. These digital doorways are virtual experiences at best.

The best way we can unhook them is not to take away all their screen time and tell them to go read a book. The answer is to get them hooked on something even more interactive and real than what’s on their screen. And what better antidote for digital addiction than fishing, hiking, or hunting?

Jake Hindman, an agent with the Missouri Conservation Department and a true outdoorsman, speaks to adults around the state about how to get kids interested in the outdoors. Here is a summary of his 3-point sermon: Continue reading “Introducing Kids to Nature”

Protecting Kids From the Inside Out

Unlike consumer products, parenting comes without instructions or guarantees. We all want our children to grow up happy, healthy, successful, and involved with positive-minded family and friends. However, our children live in a broken world, and it has a way of breaking young people, sooner or later, one way or another. But there is real hope because some young people do indeed grow up well. So, what’s a parent to do, in the face of the sinful human nature and a toxic popular culture, to raise a truly healthy young adult?

We tend to focus on what we can implement to protect our kids by setting appropriate boundaries, establishing positive activities, and providing safe environments in which our kids can grow. While those are all important aspects of raising “good kids,” they are not enough.

1 Samuel 16:7 says, “The Lord does not look at the things of man. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” Apparently, God is more interested in the inner life than the outer life, therefore we should be concerned primarily with the inner life of our children. Unfortunately, most parents focus primarily on the behavior of their kids – the outer life. Parents often react to symptoms, rather than causes. But outward behavior is not isolated from the heart of the child. Behavior is a reflection of the inner reality. Therefore, it is not possible to fix outward behavior permanently without dealing with the problems of the heart.

There is no formula for fixing problem behaviors in children, but an inside-out approach will be more effective than behavior management.

Growing Up Too Fast

A major source of the problem is that kids are growing up too fast. Continue reading “Protecting Kids From the Inside Out”

What Does it Mean to Grow Up?

This is the time of year when I start to see some signs of maturity in my 7th grade students. Many of them are growing up, and I’m actually starting to see it, much like the first shoots of daffodils this time of year.

In my English class we read a few coming-of-age novels. Recently, we read The House on Mango Street, and we discussed what it means to grow up. As a way to kick off the discussion, I gave them two definitions that I found from unlikely sources.

The first is just a comment on a blog by someone named Sarge927 who says, “A person “grows up” when he/she learns to take responsibility for his/her own actions and stops behaving as if the world revolves around him/her. Many people never truly grow up because they constantly blame others for everything “bad” that has happened in their lives or they expect everyone and everything in their world to conform to their point of view. People who are grown up will suck it up and pay the price if they get caught breaking the law, even if it’s just a speeding ticket, while those who are not grown up will try to find any and every way to weasel out of it. People who are grown up will give and don’t always expect to get, those who are not grown up will always ask “What’s in it for me?”

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

And then there is this classic from  a “Dear Abby” column, in which she defined growing up in the following ways:

Maturity is the ability to do a job whether you are supervised or not; finish a job once it is started; carry money without spending it and be able to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.

Maturity is the ability to control anger and settle differences without violence.

Maturity is patience. It is the willingness to postpone immediate gratification in favor of the long-term gain.

Maturity is perseverance, the ability to sweat out a project or a situation in spite of heavy opposition and discouraging setbacks.

Maturity means dependability, keeping one’s word, coming through in a crisis. The immature are masters of the alibi. They are confused and disorganized. Their lives are a maze of broken promises, former friends, unfinished business and good intentions that somehow never materialized.

Well said.

So, we all have some growing up to do, don’t we?

 

You win some; you lose some

Life is unfair – extraordinarily unfair. Sometimes the good guys lose, while the bad guys revel in their victory.  Sometimes, evil dictators prevail for decades, while innocent children starve and suffering saints are martyred.  Is this too much for kids to handle?  Dare we tell them the truth?

I think the truth sets kids free.  In fact, I think we do our kids a disservice by shielding them for too long from the fact that life is not fair.  Unfortunately, some kids never learn the lesson, and they are ill-prepared for the world.

Somewhere around eight years old is when kids need to be taught that “Yes, life is unfair.  Sometimes you get the raw end of the deal.”  That is a fact of life – everyday life.

And yet, kids also need to hear that sometimes you get the unfairly good deal.  Sometimes you win, when you shouldn’t have won.  Sometimes you find a twenty dollar bill on the street.  Sometimes you get way more than you deserve.  And yet, you don’t whine and complain about how unfair it is that you were unfairly rewarded.

And kids need to be reminded that they have gift, talents, and blessings that far surpass most kids in the world.  They enjoy so many wonderful things that others will never get to enjoy, for the world is full of underprivileged children: the poor, the disabled, the abused, the uneducated, and the weak.

Our kids need to see the truth about the inherent unfairness of life.

You win some, and you lose some, and it’s not necessarily fair.

Now, some people will take this truth and apply it to God.  They see the unfairness of life, and they think that it must also apply to the Creator of Life.  In other words, since life is difficult and unfair, then God must be difficult and unfair.

Philip Yancey wrote in his book Disappointment With God, “We tend to think that life should be fair because God is fair. But God is not life. And if I confuse God with the physical reality of life – by expecting constant good health, for example – then I set myself up for a crashing disappointment… The cross of Christ overcame evil, but it did not overcome unfairness in this life.”

Pastor Todd Wagner (of Watermark Church in Dallas) recently posted on Twitter, “God does not promise to give us whatever our heart desires. He promises that He is what our heart desires.”  It’s the good news of an unfair life.  Life is hard, but God is good – all the time.  Kids deserve to know this.

 

Loving Grandpa

One of my favorite 7th grade essays ever is this memoir about a grandfather. Ashley Aucker, is now a 25 year old, wife, mother, singer, and songwriter. She was a sweet, quiet little 12 year old in my 7th grade English class many years ago when she wrote this essay. It blew me away then, and it still moves me now. It’s a tribute to the power of a loving grandparent and the deep the inner lives of children.

The first thing I saw upon waking up were tears streaming down my mom’s face. My eyes were still groggy, but I could tell she has been crying a lot. She told me to get up and get dressed as quickly as possible. The one thing about mornings is that it is the most confusing time of day. Therefore, asking no questions, I got up and did as my mom told me. I threw on a shirt and jeans, brushed my teeth and hair, and ran out to the car.

“We are going to see Grandpa,” she finally told me on the way over to my grandparent’s house. I soon understood what was going on. Grandpa had had cancer for about two years, and this day he was struggling greatly, and I knew that this day he would breathe his last breath. Continue reading “Loving Grandpa”

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