Growing Up Well

  • Taking Control of Your Digital Life

    Part 3 in the series on becoming “tech-wise” The first two posts in this series laid down a philosophical framework for why we need to take control of our digital devices. Now, let’s dig into the nitty-gritty details. The following is a list of strategies, tools, and thoughts to consider as you use your electronic…

  • Becoming Tech-Wise: Philosophy of Use

    Becoming Tech-Wise: Philosophy of Use (Part 2 in series) Technology continues to improve, but is our use of technology improving? Not if we use all our high-tech devices and apps with their default settings. Not if we use them in whatever way feels right at the moment. Not if we go along with what everyone…

  • Motivate. Don’t Manipulate Your Kids.

    Once again, his room isn’t clean, not by any standard. Her backpack, jacket, and shoes are scattered about the floor of the hall, again. His grades are sub-par in math, again. She is making the family late to school, again. He seems to be nonchalant about his music audition this weekend. She isn’t running enough…

  • Look Up

    Perhaps this video is a bit of an overstatement. It oversimplifies the problem, but I like the main theme. Train yourself (and your kids) to live beyond the net. Don’t overuse your phone. Video by Gary Turk.  

  • The Connected Family

    2014 is the first year in American history in which everybody has a mobile device. We are at the saturation point with smartphones, tablets, laptops, and TVs. They are in our pockets, purses, cars, backpacks, and bedrooms. We all have screens with us throughout our days, and some of us are never without a screen.…

  • The Peril of Productionism

      My wife and I struggle with what I call productionism. It is a variation of perfectionism. It is the belief that a man’s value comes from his ability to accomplish or produce something, or that a woman’s worth is found in the amount that she can get done in a day. In other words,…

  • Connect With Your Young Teen

    First Connect, Then Guide The best parents are the ones who are deeply connected with their children and offer support and guidance all along the path of life. They’re the ones who care enough to say, “No, you can’t do that, because I love you too much to let you settle for that.” And their…

  • Prepare for Happiness

    Lately, I have been pondering the question, “What are some things that I can do to put myself in a better position to be more happy?” The following is an outline summary of the things that seem to work for most people. It comes from a variety of sources and is not specific to any…

  • Living in Crisis

      Our family is in crisis. It’s not the first time, and it won’t be the last. Three weeks ago, our severely disabled 13-year-old daughter, Kathryn, had a full spinal fusion surgery. According to the “pain team” of anesthesiologists and neurologists, it is the second most painful surgery to recover from. (It’s second only to…

  • Storm Preparation

    A Creeping Crisis Some crises develop gradually. Some are excruciatingly slow. Perhaps it is the approaching death of a parent with terminal cancer. Or it is the military dad/son/husband who will be deployed to an overseas conflict. Or it may be a huge financial crisis, which will likely take away the family’s savings and home.…

  • Mister Rogers

    I’m a huge Fred Rogers fan, so I was skeptical when I heard about the video remix recently done about him. I expected something satirical and mean-spirited, so I watched with my guard up. Instead, we have this. “There are so many things to learn about in this world and so many people who can…

  • Parenting With and Without Fear

    Fear is universal.  Columnist Dave Barry writes, “All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears — of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, or speaking before a Rotary Club, and of the words “Some Assembly Required.” We are all deeply motivated by our fears, and…

  • I Wish You Failure

    Once again, I offer an article from NPR’s This I Believe.  Jon Carroll started at the San Francisco Chronicle editing the crossword puzzle and writing TV listings. He has been a columnist for the paper since 1982. Last week, my granddaughter started kindergarten, and, as is conventional, I wished her success. I was lying. What…

  • The Race to Nowhere

    The Race to Nowhere is a film that will make you think deeply about what a good education looks like.  It will challenge your beliefs about the nature of homework, AP classes, and college preparation.  You will re-think what a “successful kid” should do in middle school, high school, and college because, in many ways,…

  • Failure’s Top Ten List

    1.  Not Everybody Gets A Trophy Somewhere along the line we became a society that preached instant gratification. Like a giant carnival, our slogan became “everybody wins all the time.” We know it’s not true. It’s also a terrible example to set. Losing is every bit as important in human growth as winning. Rewarding your…

  • Avoiding a Mid-Life Crisis

    If you are growing old well, then you are likely to help a child grow up well. 40 is not old, but it’s certainly not young either.  It’s the start of mid-life, and it has a well-earned, dangerous reputation.  It’s when so many people have an inner crisis, even if life is sailing along smoothly…

  • Youth Sports is a Means to a Greater End

    Every parent of an athletic child wonders if their kid has a shot at the big time.  Well, let’s look at some hard facts related to this question. Just 2 percent of varsity high school athletes will play their sport in college, and only 1 percent will get a scholarship to do so.  Let’s take…

  • Healthy Adults, Healthy Kids

    Being healthy as an adult will yield both direct and indirect benefits for the kids in your care.  Take care of yourself, for their sake. This video is thought-provoking and interesting, even if you think you know everything about being healthy. Here’s proof that we need help in this area:  Super-Fatty Menu Items

  • Finding Significance

    I’ve had the blues for a few weeks now.  It’s not a full-blown depression.  It’s just a nagging funk that doesn’t seem to have a good reason for its existence and doesn’t seem to have an end.  I get it once or twice a year, often on the backside of winter.  Since I haven’t been…

  • Realistic Expectations for Life

    Donald Miller’s book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years is quite good, but the end of chapter 29 is truly great.  In it, he refers to a recent episode of 60 Minutes, which I vividly recall seeing myself a few years ago.  It was about the happiest people in the world, and I found…

  • Helicopter Parents

    D.H. Lawrence, the literary giant, advised parents and teachers a century ago: “How to begin to educate a child. First rule: leave him alone. Second rule: leave him alone. Third rule: leave him alone. That is the whole beginning.” At first glance this seems to be the worst parenting advice in the history of written…

  • Counting Blessings

    Why can’t we be thankful?  Why is having an attitude of gratitude so difficult?  Even the most optimistic people have many days in which everything seems to be going badly, when nothing seems right.  Indeed, there are awful things we have experienced, are experiencing, or will experience.  Nobody is immune from trouble.  In time, every…

  • Delayed Gratification

    Very few things anymore take a long time to happen.  Nearly everything is available in an instant.  Instant messaging.  Movies on demand.  Cell phones with internet access.  Instant winners.  Ultra-fast food.  Five-minute total-body workouts.  You name it, and America can make it faster, so we can fit more into our days. A major component of…

  • Just Believe in Yourself

    “Just believe in yourself, and you can achieve anything.” “Pursue your dream, and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do it.” “If you dream it, you can be it.” Countless movies, songs, TV shows, and motivational speakers have preached this message.  And countless teachers, coaches, and counselors preach the same message.  Parents teach…

  • Time Management for Kids

    As preteens enter the hallways of middle school for the first time, they often feel totally overwhelmed by the amount of teachers, classrooms, schedules, textbooks, new friends, and homework assignments to manage.  In fact, well into high school, most students struggle with managing their lives, for there is always a limited amount of activity, money,…

  • Slowing Down for Kids’ Sake

    On the way home from soccer practice last night, my son asked if he could join a track and field team.  This is right after an evening in which his mother spent 30 minutes shuttling him from his school to my workplace, where he worked very hard for 60 minutes on his homework, before we…

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