If more parents focused on character over performance, then we would not need signs like this.
I coach middle school cross country, which is not a glamorous job, but it is uniquely rewarding. For young distance runners, the hardest part is embracing the pain that creates stronger legs and faster times. I try to make practices and meets fun, but there is no way of getting around the fact that running really fast for 15-20 minutes is going to be painful, especially for growing little bodies.
Most of the kids who run cross country learn that without a healthy dose of pain every day they will not improve. No pain, no gain. Convincing kids of this is no easy task, but over time the sport tends to naturally reward those who fight through physical pain and emotional weakness.
When a young person develops some mental and physical toughness, they are growing up well. It’s incredibly rewarding to see the progress that these kids make over a season.
Some of my fellow coaches, Doug and Jennifer Meyer, use a fairy tale metaphor when explaining the need to persevere over a long distance. It also applies to many of life’s challenges that require stamina.
Parenting is a distance run, after all.
Somewhere in the middle of the race, there is a big bad wolf lurking around the corner. He will try to get you to slow down.
He sneaks up next to you and says things like, “Slow down. You’re hurting yourself. This is crazy. What’s the point of this? It’s not like you can win the race. You’re not very fast. Doesn’t this hurt? Just take it easy. No one will notice.”
The wolf doesn’t want you to work hard to achieve your goals. Continue reading “The Distance Run”
Football is just a sport. However, it is a platform for parents and coaches to teach some of life’s most valuable lessons and create some of its most powerful experiences.
1. Not Everybody Gets A Trophy
Somewhere along the line we became a society that preached instant gratification. Like a giant carnival, our slogan became “everybody wins all the time.” We know it’s not true. It’s also a terrible example to set. Losing is every bit as important in human growth as winning. Rewarding your child for doing nothing will teach him just that. Nothing.
2. Everyone Has Different Talents
Maybe your daughter wants to be the next Carrie Underwood. Then you hear her sing. Your son wants to be Evan Longoria. He can’t hit the ball off a tee. There are just some things we aren’t cut out for. It’s best to learn that at an early age. The good news is that they are a champion at something. Guide them towards where their gifts lie.
3. Have Class
What is one of the most flattering descriptions a person can hear? “He sure has a lot of class.” “She sure was a great sport about it.” Are you teaching your children how to fail with dignity? How a person accepts failure is an easy indicator of the character within. It also almost guarantees future success. Respect is gained outwardly and inwardly. Coach Dungy is prime example of “class.”
4. Learning From Mistakes
“I think and think for months. For years. Ninety-nine times the conclusion is false. The hundredth time I am right.” Who said that? Albert Einstein. Mistakes humble. They can hurt. Yet without them, we are stagnant. Every mistake we make is an educational experience. Every success is built upon a foundation of errors and corrections.
If you are growing old well, then you are likely to help a child grow up well.
40 is not old, but it’s certainly not young either. It’s the start of mid-life, and it has a well-earned, dangerous reputation. It’s when so many people have an inner crisis, even if life is sailing along smoothly on the outside. At some point disappointment, boredom, or depression accompany the person who has a career, a family, a home, a community, and all the subsequent stress of being responsible for so much. In addition, health problems of all kinds begin to flare up by 40, which remind us that we are decaying in far more ways than we are growing.
Many 40-somethings have established their career, have gotten married, have had a few kids, and have bought all the things they need and most of the things they want. They have arrived at their life destination, and they wonder, “This is it?”
For others, they are still building the best life they can, and they feel the crushing weight of pressure from what they have constructed. There are too many things to do, too many people to care for, too many problems to solve – just too many responsibilities in every area of life. They are caring for children, spouses, friends, employees, and even aging parents. They get to a point where they simply cannot balance it all anymore; it’s all just too much. In frustration they cry out, “There just isn’t enough me to go around!”
It’s a tough time of life, indeed, and for some it’s just too much, so they pull the ripcord of life. They give up on something big, like their marriage, their kids, or their career. Sometimes they chuck it all at once. Or they just give up trying very hard at anything, settling into a comfortably complacent lifestyle. They fall prey to the consumer-centered suburban lifestyle, and they go out to pasture.
So what’s a mid-lifer to do? Well, after spending four days in Colorado with some of my favorite 40-ish guys, I’m ready to convey a few suggestions based on our conversations. I’m sorry if any of this seems trite; I realize that all of these things are a lot easier said than done. But hopefully, it will help in some way – for your sake, and for your kids.
- Focus. Identify your top four or five priorities in life and focus on them — to the detriment of all else. Set your sights on just a few things that you are passionate about and that you have valued for a long time. For me (at this point in my life) it’s family, faith, teaching, and writing. If I can do those things well, then I am on the right track. But that may mean that I am not going to keep up with all my friends very well. It means that I am not going to be able to play golf, read a novel a month, or hone my guitar skills anytime soon. I have to face facts: I can only do so much. Trying to do it all is living in a fantasy world (see #4 below). Learn to accept mediocrity in the less important areas of your life. Continue reading “Avoiding a Mid-Life Crisis”
Now and then, the tables are turned, and an everyday kid doing a good deed gets some attention.
Let’s all remember that there are plenty of kids out there growing up and making a difference now.
Sportsmanship is alive
It’s such an easy gesture yet it’s rarely seen…the simple act of sportsmanship.
Early in the game played on the lush fields of Westminster Christian Academy in Creve Coeur, Webster Groves lacrosse player Caroline Burk went down with a leg injury. As coach Josh Palacios ran to his player, she was already being attended to by Westminster Christians’s Danielle Pfyl. The two helped Caroline to the sidelines.
These days the act is rarely seen away from the high school playing fields.
Over the course of covering six St. Louis Cardinals games so far this season, this photographer has seen more jawing between pitchers and hitters, both demanding respect. In one instance the banter almost resulted in a bench clearing confrontation.
They could learn just a little bit from Danielle.
Related Post: athletics-is-a-means-to-an-end
John Wooden, the most-successful and most-revered basketball coach of all time, is a role model for so many men — and rightfully so. To this day, as he approaches 100 years old, his character is so strong that the people around him want to be better because of his example. Watch this, and you’ll get a glimpse of why he inspires so many people, near and far, with his loyalty and his love.
Let’s not forget that this kind of life is possible — and powerful.
We have a lot to learn from Coach Wooden. Click here for more.
I recently read this piece about teaching on a colleague’s blog called Second Drafts. Unfortunately, I see myself in this. For there are some times when I am a really good teacher, and there are some times when I am just doing the minimum. I wish I would bring my “A-game” everyday all day, but I don’t. Nevertheless, I do enjoy the kids and all the challenges at school, and I do enjoy the thinking that goes with it, and so I teach.
There’s no easier job in the world than being a bad teacher. It’s a cinch, with short hours and plenty of long vacations. The pay’s not always great, but as long as your standards are low, and all you’re looking for is an easy job, I recommend being a really rotten teacher. Be really awful. Cobble together some industry-standard lesson plans and re-run them every year; grade superficially and with an emphasis on numbers; kick back and watch the seasons change as the sea of young faces before you renews itself year after year. (Don’t ask me how I know so much about this) Continue reading “The Teacher’s Challenge”
My sister has two kids (10 and 13), both of whom are very athletic, and their family truly enjoys participating in and watching youth sports. We like to swap stories about our kids, and inevitably many of them are about something crazy that has happened in sports. Here is the latest…
“Last night at Hailey’s basketball game, we were playing a team we’ve beaten 3 times before, and this time they were out for blood. Never mind the obnoxious lady coach teaching her kids to throw elbows and “get ’em!” but there was something even better. I loved the Dad and his teenage son, sitting right under the basket, who decided that in the second half they would wave their arms and yell and laugh while our girl was shooting a free throw. They did this twice, and then a dad from the same team went over to tell them to stop. They didn’t! It was hysterical and SAD. After the game one of our very shy moms confronted him. She told him “Good game, your girls deserved to win” and then went on to tell him how inappropriate his behavior was. You could see he was clearly shocked at this confrontation, but sadly he told her “your team has beaten our team 3 times, and we wanted to win.” These girls are third and fourth graders!”
Here are my thoughts on this scene:
A. It doesn’t shock me, although it is fairly rare to see someone THAT immature and moronic in the stands of youth sports.
B. I am so proud of the two parents who confronted him about his terrible behavior. We need more of them.
C. The referees, or the tournament director, should have stopped the game to confront him and thrown him out of the gym if he refused to stop.
D. I feel sorry for the man’s kids.
E. Like my mom said about my own baseball coach who used to lose his mind on occasions, “Kids can learn from bad examples as well as good ones, if parents talk about these things with their kids.”
In the grand scheme of things, we need to remember that youth sports is a series of kids games with referees and coaches to keep things moving along well. It’s a game. And sometimes it takes a jerk in the stands to remind us of that.
This week on the car radio, I overheard the most obnoxious sports radio talk show host furiously ranting and raving about how corrupt professional and big college sports have become. It went something like this: “Don’t let your kids idolize anyone in sports today! It’s an ugly business, full of greediness, lying, cheating, and everything that is wrong with this world. There are no role models in sports anymore!” To me, it was a shocking rant because his livelihood is made from talking about sports, yet there he was betraying his industry with the most extreme language. He didn’t “pull a punch” or let anyone off the hook. He explained with the utmost disgust that all professional and big college athletes, coaches, and executives are tainted by the money, the power, and the fame.
It troubled me as I thought of the players from my childhood who were my role models: Cal Ripken Jr., Lou Brock, John Stockton, Roger Staubach, and Walter Payton. I thought about some of the role models that I have in sports now: Peyton Manning, Kurt Warner, Albert Pujols, and others. Are they in some way corrupt too? Are they just putting on a show for the public? Or are they just the extreme minority — one of just a very few people in the sports industry who have stayed grounded in spite of all the corruption around them? Or is this radio host just off his rocker once again?