Thank You & Help Me

26 06 2016

“Thank you.”

“Help.”

These are the best prayers. Simple. Versatile. Powerful.

There are no better ways to relate to God than these tiny sentences. Whether whispered in earnest or shouted in excitement, nothing works better in attempting to communicate with the divine.

“Thank you” and “Help me, please” are also the best ways to relate to other people. Universally, people like other people who are grateful and humble. It’s not mere politeness. When you thank someone or ask for their help, you are connecting with them and affirming them, and they are very likely to reciprocate. It’s the spark and the fuel of real relationships.

Simple. Real. Honest.

 


 

Start your day with thanks and an awareness of God and others. Then teach the children in your life to do the same. It will yield health, happiness, and a better world. Remember that you must do it first, for children are much better at following your actions than your words.

–  What can I be particularly thankful for today?

–  What is something that I normally take for granted that is worthy of thanks?

–  What is something I need special help with today?

–  How can I show appreciation to someone today?

 

 





(Un)Happy Holidays

30 12 2015

The Holidays — the six weeks of Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Christmas, and New Years — are a magnifier. In general, happy people get happier, sad people get sadder, lonely people get lonelier, etc.

For some, life is going pretty well, and the holidays are the most wonderful time of year, chock full of sentimental decorations, music, food, smells, and traditions that celebrate love, peace, family, friendship, and all that is good in life. The holidays are the icing on a good cake. Bring it on. All of it.

For others, the holidays are not so happy. Instead, it is a time full of the most painful reminders of what is not present in their lives.  Read the rest of this entry »





If You Have 4th-8th Graders…

26 02 2015

…you should watch this 2-minute video that explains “early adolescence” and the need for doing things a little differently.





Motivate. Don’t Manipulate Your Kids.

29 09 2014

lonely boy2Once again, his room isn’t clean, not by any standard. Her backpack, jacket, and shoes are scattered about the floor of the hall, again. His grades are sub-par in math, again. She is making the family late to school, again. He seems to be nonchalant about his music audition this weekend. She isn’t running enough to prepare for soccer tryouts next week.

How do you approach the lack of motivation: carrot or stick?

What’s the best approach: direct confrontation, positive affirmation, a new system of consequences? Push hard or back off? Constructive criticism?

Who knows? It’s a minefield, to say the least.

It’s a thin line between motivating your child and provoking him or her to rebellion. Motivating a child, especially a teenager, is not an easy road. There will be resistance, mistakes and regrets, and that is if you are doing it right.

Read the rest of this entry »





Connect + Guide + Enjoy = Good Parenting

8 07 2014

You are never done parenting.

There is never enough time, energy, money, or wisdom to do it all right.

Parenting is incessant, and perfection is impossible.

No professor will give you an A for all that you did for your children this semester.

No counselor will tell you that you can now celebrate because you have accomplished all the objectives of parenting.

No PTA will give you an award for excellence.

However, you can try to keep it simple and just do your best one day at a time.

Keeping it simple, for me, looks like this.

ConnectGuideEnjoy

 

If I am doing those three things moderately well today, then I am doing something truly great.

I am being a good parent.

I am not perfect, but I am doing something very good well.

 





Ordinary Parenting

2 04 2014

Parenting is messy. It’s often a blender full of emotions, tasks, and conflicts. That why we so often feel pureed by our family life.

Parenting is mundane. It requires incessant planning, cleaning, cooking, driving, laundry, arguing, more driving, phone calls, filling in forms, more driving, more cleaning, on and on.

But parenting is also a “glorious ordinary.” It is a beautiful mess.

This video illustrates this well.

Do you look for beauty in your messy everyday life? It’s there, but you have to look for it. Slow down, look around, and ponder the mundane elements in your home. Find some everyday wonders.

Look at your dog. Really look at him. He may need a bath, and he causes problems, but what a loyal companion he is, putting up with your inconsistent love.

Look at your messy kitchen. It looks better when clean, but a clean kitchen is not alive. A dirty kitchen exhibits nourishment. It’s the scene of the best aromas of life and some of your greatest meltdowns. The kitchen is the heart of the home, where real drama plays out and real food feeds the weary. Read the rest of this entry »





The Story of the Book

1 12 2013

Everyone has at least one book in them. Critical Connection is mine.

Ever since I was ten, I wanted to grow up and have a happy family.  Since I was sixteen, I wanted a career in which I could help teenagers to grow up well. As a teacher, coach, and parent, it has been my privilege to do so – often ineffectively, of course. One of the things I have learned along the way is that there are very few good books out there about parenting early adolescents (10-14 year olds).

In 2009, I started blogging here at Growing Up Well, and over the next few years people would say to me, “You really need to write a book.”  Read the rest of this entry »








%d bloggers like this: