Growing Up Well

  • Loving Grandpa

    One of my favorite 7th grade essays ever is this memoir about a grandfather. Ashley Aucker, is now a 25 year old, wife, mother, singer, and songwriter. She was a sweet, quiet little 12 year old in my 7th grade English class many years ago when she wrote this essay. It blew me away then,…

  • Raising Boys to be Real Men

    Boys are misunderstood.  Too often, they are disciplined and shamed by their teachers, parents, or grandparents because it is falsely assumed that good boys should act just like good girls. Raising boys is a topic of numerous books, but one that stands out is Raising Cain, by Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson.  I had the…

  • Doodling

    My wife, my 13 year old son, and I went to see The Taming of the Shrew outdoors last night in Forest Park.  Since it’s a free and first-class show, we had to get there very early to get a spot with any sort of good view.  Before the show started, just as we settled…

  • Parenting With and Without Fear

    Fear is universal.  Columnist Dave Barry writes, “All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears — of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, or speaking before a Rotary Club, and of the words “Some Assembly Required.” We are all deeply motivated by our fears, and…

  • I Believe in Encouragement

    By Lauren Baum, in her senior English class at Westminster Christian Academy, St. Louis (Class of 2011). Without any hesitation, he said, “I’d be better off dead.” Hearing those words come out of my best friend’s mouth tore my heart apart. He has repeated that phrase more than once, and my mind continually plays it…

  • The Power of No (Part 3)

    Young teenagers often “cross the line.” It’s inevitable, so it should not surprise us. Yet, we should not just acquiesce to the lowest common denominator: “Boys will be boys.” It’s our job as adults to help young boys and girls to live well and to move towards becoming young men and women. Adolescence should be…

  • The Power of No (Part 2)

    Sometimes a bad example is as motivating as a good one. I had just such an experience last Saturday: Guitar Center is now my son’s “candy store.”  There are so many flavors to sample: Stratocaster, Telecaster, Les Paul, and Gretsch to name a very few.  Saturdays are the worst day to shop there because there…

  • The Power of No (Part 1)

    Anthony Bourdain, is an American chef, author, and television personality. He is well-known as the host of the Travel Channel‘s culinary and cultural adventure program Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations. Tony is a rebel; it’s in his blood, and he has used that iconoclastic attitude in a largely positive way – as an aspiring international chef…

  • Family Matters

    Imagine two American families, living on the same street, both successful in pursuing the American dream. Their Christmas cards are equally impressive. All their kids are college-bound. Their marriages are stable, and they are in the midst of meeting their career and material goals.  There are no skeletons hiding in their closets; what you see…

  • How to Negotiate with Children

    In a recent panel discussion about parenting on National Public Radio, “When No Means No” (11 minutes of audio), some moms and a family therapist were debating the extent to which parents should negotiate with their children.  It is an interesting discussion about how children need to learn to negotiate at home so that they…

  • Questions Kids Have But Don’t Ask

    Here are some of the big questions kids (10-14) have, although they will rarely, if ever, vocalize them.  Understanding the questions is half the battle; having all the answers is not necessary, even if it were possible. Who are my real friends?  Who really likes me?  In which group do I belong? Who am I? …

  • Raising the Perfect Parent

    Always Kiss Me Good Night: Instructions on Raising the Perfect Parent (compiled by J.S. Salt) is the best advice that kids (ages 8-12) have for parents. Here are a few gems. Make me be beautiful. (Jackie) Write notes on my lunch box napkin. (Jenny) Think when you were a kid and not yell so much.…

  • Failure’s Top Ten List

    1.  Not Everybody Gets A Trophy Somewhere along the line we became a society that preached instant gratification. Like a giant carnival, our slogan became “everybody wins all the time.” We know it’s not true. It’s also a terrible example to set. Losing is every bit as important in human growth as winning. Rewarding your…

  • Video Games

    I grew up with the Atari 2600 video game system.  It was the cultural phenomenon of 1978, right along with Star Wars (I was a nut for both).  To go from the old Pong game system to Space Invaders, Pac Man, Pitfall, and Asteroids seemed like a giant leap for all mankind.  I had such…

  • Kids Should Work Alongside Adults

    “Unfortunately, many of today’s teenagers make no meaningful contribution to their families.  They have nothing more to contribute to the family than reluctantly taking out the garbage or picking up their room after being told again and again. That’s not a contribution. At that point it is more like self-preservation. “Kids need to be given…

  • Kindness Matters

    Now and then, the tables are turned, and an everyday kid doing a good deed gets some attention. Let’s all remember that there are plenty of kids out there growing up and making a difference now. ——————————————————————————————— Sportsmanship is alive By Robert Cohen St. Louis Post-Dispatch It’s such an easy gesture yet it’s rarely seen…the…

  • Chess Builds Brains

    Chess is one of the best educational games of all time.  Even the most casual player will admit that the game forces you to think critically —  just to stay alive and not look like a fool.  There is no way to simply stroll through even a single move in chess.  You must think creatively…

  • Too Much Internet, Too Soon

    What was the most popular Christmas gift this year for 5th graders?  The Apple iPod iTouch.  What is the most popular gift for 6th grade birthdays and graduations?  Hands down, a “smart” cell phone.  And what do they have in common that makes them so popular?  The most coveted feature is the wireless internet accessibility,…

  • Helicopter Parents

    D.H. Lawrence, the literary giant, advised parents and teachers a century ago: “How to begin to educate a child. First rule: leave him alone. Second rule: leave him alone. Third rule: leave him alone. That is the whole beginning.” At first glance this seems to be the worst parenting advice in the history of written…

  • Faith Like a Child

    Tonight, my 11-year-old son voiced one of the most beautiful prayers I have ever heard.  As we sat on the couch as usual for our prayers before bed, I went through our ritual of thanking God for our many blessings, for health, for some recent good news, and so on.  My son then prayed for…

  • Social Skills Needed: Apply Here

    There is a social epidemic that has swept the nation.  While it used to be contained to young teenage girls, it is striking adults at an alarming rate in recent years.  It sounds like this: “Um, it’s kinda like, well, you know when you just can’t really, like, seem to just um say like what…

  • Kids Need Community

    “No man is an island,” said John Donne, in reference to the ripple effect of the death of one man in a community.  Indeed, we are made for community; we are not meant to live alone.  By living and working with others, we enjoy many benefits.  By choosing to go it alone, whatever the endeavor,…

  • If (Rudyard Kipling)

    . If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or…

  • Just Believe in Yourself

    “Just believe in yourself, and you can achieve anything.” “Pursue your dream, and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do it.” “If you dream it, you can be it.” Countless movies, songs, TV shows, and motivational speakers have preached this message.  And countless teachers, coaches, and counselors preach the same message.  Parents teach…

  • Well-Mannered Teen Rebels

    With the decline of civility and manners in public life, it shouldn’t surprise anyone that so many young people lack basic manners.  There are other factors, of course, such as the breakdown of the family unit and the lack of privacy and decorum in the media.  There is much to be said about how bad…

  • Time Management for Kids

    As preteens enter the hallways of middle school for the first time, they often feel totally overwhelmed by the amount of teachers, classrooms, schedules, textbooks, new friends, and homework assignments to manage.  In fact, well into high school, most students struggle with managing their lives, for there is always a limited amount of activity, money,…

  • Slowing Down for Kids’ Sake

    On the way home from soccer practice last night, my son asked if he could join a track and field team.  This is right after an evening in which his mother spent 30 minutes shuttling him from his school to my workplace, where he worked very hard for 60 minutes on his homework, before we…

  • The Solemn Process of Growing Up

    Like Autumn, growing up is bittersweet.  Poet Billy Collins says it well. On Turning Ten The whole idea of it makes me feel like I’m coming down with something, something worse than any stomach ache or the headaches I get from reading in bad light– a kind of measles of the spirit, a mumps of…

  • Training Up Independent Kids

    Embracing Mistakes; Developing Problem-Solvers Thomas Edison believed that failure was not a bad thing; it merely directed him closer to success.  He embraced his mistakes as opportunities to learn, and he ultimately succeeded as the greatest inventor of all time. The truth is that you want your children (or students) to learn from their mistakes,…

  • The Power of Choice

    Children lack power.  They can control very little in their lives, until they get a license to drive and the keys to the car.  So, when they don’t get choices, they seek power; they just find ways to push our buttons, in the hope that perhaps we will give them choices.  You can’t blame them…

Start a Blog at WordPress.com.