Growing Up Well

  • Never Too Young for Compassion

    Sometimes, a single, simple act of compassion can change the world for someone else.  As a middle school teacher, I have witnessed this, not daily, but certainly monthly.  More often, I have witnessed the converse, in which a single simple act of cruelty can ruin someone’s day, or year.  However, the power of compassion is…

  • Family Matters

    Imagine two American families, living on the same street, both successful in pursuing the American dream. Their Christmas cards are equally impressive. All their kids are college-bound. Their marriages are stable, and they are in the midst of meeting their career and material goals.  There are no skeletons hiding in their closets; what you see…

  • Books for Boys

    Finding a well-written, entertaining book for a boy who hates to read is always a challenge.   Woods Runner, by Gary Paulsen, grabs your attention at the get-go. It opens, “One day, it seemed he was eleven and playing in the dirt around the cabin or helping with chores, and the next, he was thirteen,…

  • Thanksgiving Child

    Kathryn was born on Thanksgiving weekend 11 years ago on an unforgettable day.  Due to the trauma of her birth, she sustained brain damage which causes her to have spastic quadriplegic cerebral palsy, epilepsy, and cognitive delays.  She cannot walk, talk, or do anything without assistance. Her disabilities are many, and her life is full…

  • Questions to Ask Kids

    Kids want to be known, and not just by their parents (their #1 source of value).  They want their teachers, coaches, scout leaders, and neighbors to know their names, their interests, and their talents.  Granted, some kids seem to want to be left alone, but even the shy ones deeply desire to be known by…

  • Questions Kids Have But Don’t Ask

    Here are some of the big questions kids (10-14) have, although they will rarely, if ever, vocalize them.  Understanding the questions is half the battle; having all the answers is not necessary, even if it were possible. Who are my real friends?  Who really likes me?  In which group do I belong? Who am I? …

  • The Value of Pain

    As I walk through the halls after school, there is a barrage of faces along my path.  Some I know well; some I don’t know at all.  Some are happy; some look very frustrated.  But all of these kids have stories inside.  Some of their stories are silly — full of joy from a life…

  • Raising the Perfect Parent

    Always Kiss Me Good Night: Instructions on Raising the Perfect Parent (compiled by J.S. Salt) is the best advice that kids (ages 8-12) have for parents. Here are a few gems. Make me be beautiful. (Jackie) Write notes on my lunch box napkin. (Jenny) Think when you were a kid and not yell so much.…

  • Failure’s Top Ten List

    1.  Not Everybody Gets A Trophy Somewhere along the line we became a society that preached instant gratification. Like a giant carnival, our slogan became “everybody wins all the time.” We know it’s not true. It’s also a terrible example to set. Losing is every bit as important in human growth as winning. Rewarding your…

  • Fandango: How boys make friends

    fandango  |fanˈda ng gō|  noun 1. a lively Spanish dance. 2. a foolish or useless act or thing. In May 1993, six young men on the cusp of college graduation, decided to forgo the prudent way to spend the final two days before final exams, in favor of driving south all night toward Mexico in…

  • Prepare Them for Life

    Protection and provision are not enough. “Here’s the paradox: If we protect our children too absolutely, we actually end up exposing them to other risks.  And leave them without the skills, experiences, and minor life lessons that they’ll need to handle the big challenges as they grow up.” (Perri Klass, M.D.) When children are very…

  • Avoiding a Mid-Life Crisis

    If you are growing old well, then you are likely to help a child grow up well. 40 is not old, but it’s certainly not young either.  It’s the start of mid-life, and it has a well-earned, dangerous reputation.  It’s when so many people have an inner crisis, even if life is sailing along smoothly…

  • Father or Friend?

    Father’s Day.  We give Dad something like a pocket knife or a round of golf.  We remind him that we appreciate his work and that his role is valuable.  It’s a worthwhile holiday, even if it’s a bit underwhelming sometimes.  Nonetheless, a good dad is priceless, which is worth celebrating. Unfortunately, there are a lot…

  • Loyalty and Love Personified

    John Wooden, the most-successful and most-revered basketball coach of all time, is a role model for so many men — and rightfully so.  To this day, as he approaches 100 years old, his character is so strong that the people around him want to be better because of his example.  Watch this, and you’ll get…

  • Finding Significance

    I’ve had the blues for a few weeks now.  It’s not a full-blown depression.  It’s just a nagging funk that doesn’t seem to have a good reason for its existence and doesn’t seem to have an end.  I get it once or twice a year, often on the backside of winter.  Since I haven’t been…

  • The Great Abigail Adams

    John Adams was a man of tremendous intellect and inner strength.  With the aid of Thomas Jefferson and the other founding fathers, he set the legal and political foundations of the United States of America. As a rebel, he was the intellectual force of the revolution against England.  His words in support of reason and…

  • It’s a Wonderfully Difficult Life

      It’s a Wonderful Life strikes a chord — several chords — deep in my soul, every time I watch it.  Most importantly, it makes me want to be a better man and to live my life as well as I can for my friends, family, and community. Deep down, I want to be counted…

  • Two Extraordinary Young Men

    This is a trailer for a terrific new documentary called “Sons of Lwala.” It is about two young men who left Kenya to pursue medical studies at Dartmouth, Vanderbilt, and Washington University.  They wish to build a hospital in their home village of Lwala, Kenya, but they have absolutely no experience and no money.  Their…

  • Kids Need Community

    “No man is an island,” said John Donne, in reference to the ripple effect of the death of one man in a community.  Indeed, we are made for community; we are not meant to live alone.  By living and working with others, we enjoy many benefits.  By choosing to go it alone, whatever the endeavor,…

  • If (Rudyard Kipling)

    . If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or…

  • The Empty Nest

    My children are just entering adolescence, so it surprised me that I had such a visceral reaction to this article about “the empty nest.”  It made me realize that these days – right here, right now – with my children are absolutely precious and fleeting. Whatever you think of Dr. James Dobson, I think you…

  • Real Men Drive Minivans

    There comes a time in a man’s life when the favorite car gets traded in for a minivan.   It’s a bitter pill to swallow, and in time you start loving its usefulness.  You begin to think that it’s worth all that money.  Then you see all the stains, smells, dings, scratches, and dents that pile…

  • Embracing Interruption

    Today was the first day of the school year, the day when the hallways of our middle school are jam-packed with beaming 12-14 year olds.  They are beaming with delight at being reunited with their old friends, beaming with suntanned faces full of braces, and beaming with shiny new school supplies, locker decorations, and fresh-out-of-the-box…

  • Role Models

    Charles Barkley, the great basketball player and television personality, once said at the height of his NBA career, “I’m not a role model… Just because I dunk a basketball doesn’t mean I should raise your kids. If you want a role model, look up to your parents. A lot of guys can dunk a basketball…

  • Success and Significance

    Charles Schultz, the creator of the Peanuts comic strip, had some words to say about success.  It starts with a quiz. Name the five wealthiest people in the world. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest. Name five people who have won either the Nobel…

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