Growing Up Well

Our Digital Lives

3 02 2010

Being a kid is complicated, now more than ever. There are two things that I have seen in the last 24 hours which strongly support this theory.

1. PBS aired another valuable Frontline documentary called “Digital Nation” that I watched last night. It can be viewed in its entirety, or in brief excerpts, online by clicking here. Even if you just watch the first 15 minutes, you will learn and think about the most important, and least understood, new aspect of the world in which we live – our digital lives.

2. I received an email from a colleague this morning which listed the most popular search words used by kids on the internet in 2009. Click here to view it. Again, you will see how our kids are all over the place online.

It has never been easy to be a kid. The good old days were not always that good. In many ways, the old days were more difficult on kids physically, since there was far less peace and prosperity back in the 1920’s and 1930’s when my grandparents were kids. However, there is not a doubt in my mind that it is far more complicated to be a kid now.

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Tags: Media, Media consumption
Categories : Adolescence, Media Influence

Must See Radio

2 02 2010

I teach a six-week unit in my 7th grade English class around a central theme: human disabilities. I developed the unit a few years after my own daughter was born with multiple disabilities because I was learning so many valuable lessons in my life, and I wanted to help my students see the world in a richer way. It has become the most memorable part of the school year for us. I think it’s successful because there’s a combination of positive factors: they are intrinsically curious about the topic, have very little prior knowledge, and are just old enough to understand these mature issues. Students read The Miracle Worker (about Helen Keller and Annie Sullivan), have formal discussions, write a journal, participate in disability simulations, research a disability of their choice, and create a digital report. Good stuff.

For many, it is the first time that they have thought in depth about any of the issues related to this very normal form of human suffering. I say normal because 20% of Americans are directly effected by a disability, and nearly every one becomes disabled in their lifetime.

There is a movie which illustrates so many of these lessons, which we all need to learn. Radio, starring Cuba Gooding, Jr., Ed Harris, and Debra Winger is superb. I have never known anyone who did not like it, and I know many who say that it profoundly effected them (myself included). I highly recommend it to everyone, especially kids age 10 and up. Here is the trailer.

It is based on a true story that has spanned over forty years. You can read more about the real people at http://www.radioandcoachjones.com/

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Tags: Coaching, Community, Growing Up, Maturing, Relationship, Role Models, Significance, Teacher, Teens, Youth Sports
Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Social Development

Personality Shopping

30 01 2010

At our school assembly this week, a high school senior girl talked about how she learned to “be herself.” I think you’ll enjoy listening to the voice of a young lady who is becoming comfortable in her own skin. It’s just 5 minutes.

Shelby Massot 5 min mp3

Question: Do you have some specific things set in your mind about what the kids in your care should be and do? In other words, are you trying to put them in some kind of pre-formed mold?

OR… Are you looking to learn more and more about how God has made them? Are you looking, listening, and helping them learn the way they have been wired?

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Tags: Teens, Preteens, Parenting, Growing Up, Maturing, Community, Loneliness, Independence, Balance, Perfectionism
Categories : Adolescence, Parenting, Social Development

Career Guidance

28 01 2010

Shaping Your Future Worker
By: Ken Canfield

Don’t you wonder – and worry – about your child’s future career path? If your kids are like mine, people started characterizing them from an early age: “Wow, she has long fingers. She’ll be a great piano player some day.” Or, “He loves to push buttons and figure out how things work. I bet he’ll grow up to be an engineer.”

Now, we know that many complicated factors determine a child’s future. And the future is uncertain. But that doesn’t mean we can’t start shaping and visioning with our children – even at a young age.

Children who are given opportunities to explore a wide variety of interests and hobbies are more likely to get involved in a job they love. As they grow, we can help them identify and apply their talents. Here are a few practical ideas:

Read the rest of this entry »

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Tags: Activities, Career, Growing Up, Parenting, Work
Categories : Adolescence, Education

Realistic Expectations for Life

26 01 2010

Donald Miller’s book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years is quite good, but the end of chapter 29 is truly great. In it, he refers to a recent episode of 60 Minutes, which I vividly recall seeing myself a few years ago. It was about the happiest people in the world, and I found it tremendously thought-provoking and memorable. Here is Don’s take on it.

“A study done by a British university ranked the happiest countries, and America was far down the list, but Denmark was at the top. Morley Safer explored why. Ruling out financial status, physical health, and even social freedom, he landed on a single characteristic of the Danes that allowed then such contentment. The reasons the Danes are so happy was this: they had low expectations.

I’m not making that up. There is something in Denmark’s culture that allows them to look at life realistically. They don’t expect products to fulfill them or relationships to end all their problems.”

From my recollection of the study, there is another important aspect of Danish culture – their involvement in their own local communities. More than any of the other developed nations in the study, people in Denmark have a sense of equality and connectedness to each other. In fact, their values are so community-oriented that they have a popular government program which pays for citizens to get involved in local recreational and social groups. As a result, they are far less competitive than Americans. They are more likely to view success as a community, not as individuals in competition with one another. The Danes are a reasonable and communal people, which seems to make them significantly more content and happy than other people groups.

Donald Miller concludes his chapter with, “I’m trying to be a more Danish, I guess. And the thing is, it works. When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are. And when you stop expecting material possessions to complete you, you’d be surprised at how much pleasure you get in material possessions. And when you stop expecting God to end all your troubles, you’d be surprised how much you like spending time with God.“

Therefore, if American parents, teachers, and coaches were to adopt a more Danish approach to life, we might just be happier and more effective in helping the young people in our care. And isn’t that what we all want? But what would that look like?

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Tags: Activities, Balance, Christianity, Growing Up, Maturing, Perfectionism, Resiliency, Thankfulness
Categories : Adolescence, Parenting, Social Development, Spiritual Development

Beyond Beauty and Athletics

23 01 2010

Athletic talent is instant karma for the social status of any young man. In modern American mythology, the quarterback is the hero.

It’s easy for the athletically-gifted boy to be well-respected and popular because he is always among the biggest, fastest, strongest, and most coordinated boys in his grade. Anytime there is a physical contest, which is pretty much every hour of every day in a boy’s life, he succeeds. He gets picked first – maybe second – every time. And that is just the beginning of the fun. Win or lose, his God-given talent is on stage for all of his peers to see, sometimes garnering instant applause. Later, he will bask in the glory of hearing others review some great move or play he made. His friends will enter his bedroom to see a wall full of trophies, ribbons, and medals. In high school, he will see his name and picture in the local newspaper. It’s “The Life” for a boy.

For the most elite athlete, he doesn’t feel the NEED to be a good student, have a witty personality, or have great social skills. In some cases, he doesn’t even need to practice as hard as the others. He just needs to put on his shoes and go play ball and success happens because he has IT – the gift of athleticism. So, he gets self-esteem automatically, friends easily, and it can spoil him to the point where he is no longer developing in other important areas. His peers allow him to coast – and not grow up well.

And so it is with the beautiful girl. Everybody knows who she is. From the earliest age, people stare at her, trying to figure out what makes her so pretty. What’s her secret? All of her pictures turn out well because she is naturally photogenic. Her facial features are perfectly symmetrical with high cheekbones and bright eyes. Her skin is clear and bright. Her hair easily folds into the latest hairstyle, and her figure just gets better each year. She is Venus, goddess of love and beauty, who needs no decoration or modification. In modern mythology, the beautiful cheerleader is the goddess who captivates the hero.

She simply smiles politely, and everybody adores her. She doesn’t have to speak intelligently, get good grades, or have a snappy sense of humor. Her name is written on binders at school, and all eyes are on her in the halls. Read the rest of this entry »

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Tags: Beauty, Growing Up, Maturing, Media, Role Models, Sports, Success, Teens, Youth Sports
Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Parenting, Physical Development, Social Development

Thoughts on Avatar

16 01 2010

Immediately after teaching my last class of the day, I ran out the back door and raced across town to pick up my son at school. We slipped into the theater seats just as the previews ended and Avatar began. The screen was all fuzzy until I slid on the 3D glasses, and my vision popped open wide. Once my eyes adjusted, I said to my son, “Whoa! Now that’s some high-definition 3D!” He said, “I know, it’s totally wicked!”

While nothing very important happened in the first 5 minutes, I was incredibly entertained by the effect of this new form of movie viewing. I felt inside the movie, but it didn’t seem strange or overwhelming like a theme park ride. Simply put, it is the most visually-interesting movie I have seen since I saw the first Star Wars in the theater when I was a young boy (I saw it seven times in the theater).

Aside from the truly spectacular visual effects, I want to offer some other thoughts about the film, in no particular order.

Is it appropriate for a young child? I was leery of taking my 11-year-old son to see a PG-13 movie, but after a little research, it seemed like there was nothing that would be too harmful for him to see. In the end, my research proved true. Read the rest of this entry »

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Tags: Education, Media, Media consumption, Parenting, Preteens
Categories : Adolescence, Media Influence, Role Models, Violence

A Happy Text

15 01 2010

High-tech gadgets can be used for plenty of good, true, and beautiful things. For instance…

4:00 PM Friday: My 11-year-old son is in the car with his mom, driving around town, doing errands. I am at work, bored out of my skull, grading a large stack of tests. He hijacks his mom’s cell phone to send me an urgent text message. It turns my misery into a wonderful little moment.

Son: Dad I just saw a sweet Nissan GTR and just about had a sejur!

Father: Cool. Not the near-seizure part, but the supercar part.

Son: I also saw what looked like a Shelby Mustang, Porsch coop,and masarati. i am so happy!

Father: Think what will be rolling down the streets in heaven.

Son: Aston Martins all day long baby!

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Tags: Communication, Faith, Parenting, Relationship, Significance
Categories : Spiritual Development

Too Much Internet, Too Soon

8 01 2010

What was the most popular Christmas gift this year for 5th graders? The Apple iPod iTouch. What is the most popular gift for 6th grade birthdays and graduations? Hands down, a “smart” cell phone. And what do they have in common that makes them so popular? The most coveted feature is the wireless internet accessibility, so that kids can surf the web, email, instant message, and play web-based games from their pocket-sized device at any WiFi hotspot (home, school, coffee shops, bookstores, etc). At first glance, it seems like a really fun toy and a great way to keep in touch with preteens who are increasingly mobile. In fact, it seems like a great safety device – a way to keep in touch, to know where kids are and what they are doing all the time, and to allow kids to call for help when needed.

But at what cost? What are the hidden costs that counter these benefits? How many parents are even aware that there are dangers in this wireless revolution? Well, let me pull back the curtain a little to show you what is really going on in the digital lives of many children and teenagers (and these are not just a few latchkey kids).

Read the rest of this entry »

Comments : 2 Comments »
Tags: Adolescence, Preteens, Parenting, Kids, Communication, Media, Media consumption
Categories : Adolescence, Media Influence, Parenting, Social Development, Spiritual Development

Respecting Girls

12 12 2009

Theodore Roosevelt once said, “A healthy-minded boy should feel hearty contempt for the coward and even more hearty indignation for the boy who bullies girls or small boys, or tortures animals…“ Strong words from a strong man for boys.

It all starts on the playground. Boys treating girls disrespectfully is nothing new, however the new trend is that boys are treating girls as lesser boys, and it’s causing larger social problems. It starts as teasing and harassing on the playground and ends up in failed marriages and broken homes. Call it old-fashioned, but boys should treat girls BETTER than the guys.

Instead, boys bully girls, and the girls learn their own manipulative ways to fight back and against each other. (Certainly, girls are not without blame, for in many ways they perpetuate the problem, but that’s a whole other article.)

Girls were made to be different than boys, and it’s a wonderful thing which should be celebrated. Any attempts by a girl to be a boy typically winds up a mess, to say the least. Boys tend to push, wrestle, hit, and make fun of their best guy friends. And they say dumb — sometimes brutal — things to each other, and they tend to get over it pretty quickly. This behavior does not fly well with most girls, beside the fact that it’s just not appropriate in any way. What hatches in elementary school, grows fast in middle school, and is full-grown in high school — the battle of the sexes.

So, yes, boys should treat girls differently. They can and should be friends, but the nature of the friendship must be different than with the guys. There needs to be a much higher level of care and respect. The words and actions in the locker room should be different than in the company of girls because there IS a difference.

In past generations, most dads taught their sons these values. Read the rest of this entry »

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Tags: Adolescence, Relationship
Categories : Adolescence, Social Development

Helicopter Parents

6 12 2009

D.H. Lawrence, the literary giant, advised parents and teachers a century ago: “How to begin to educate a child. First rule: leave him alone. Second rule: leave him alone. Third rule: leave him alone. That is the whole beginning.”

At first glance this seems to be the worst parenting advice in the history of written words. And to support that further, Lawrence had no children. However, there are situations in which this radical advice should be heeded: Helicopter parents. Paranoid teachers. Paralyzed administrators.

TIME magazine’s cover story (11-20-09) is a lengthy editorial, worth every bit of the 15 minutes it takes to read, especially if you are a hard-working, highly-committed parent or teacher under the age of fifty. You may not be a hovering, smothering parent or teacher; however, you still might benefit from a good dose of reality about how we — sometimes in subtle ways — over-protect, over-nurture, over-schedule, and over-stimulate the kids in our care.

Sometimes, less IS more, when raising kids to be significant, successful adults.

Give it a read, and please feel free to leave a comment about it below (anonymous comments are welcome). I’ll start it with my own comment.

The Growing Backlash Against Overparenting, by Nancy Gibbs, Friday, Nov. 20, 2009

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Tags: Adolescence, Preteens, Parenting, Kids, Growing Up, Maturing, Teacher, Activities, Education, Independence, Balance, Rest
Categories : Adolescence, Education, Parenting, Self-Discipline, Social Development

It’s a Wonderfully Difficult Life

29 11 2009

At our Thanksgiving party this year, we played a little game in which everyone answered a dozen questions about their favorite things in life. Then we read them one at a time and tried to guess who fit with the answers given. One of the questions was “What is your favorite movie?” Being a movie buff, I gave it some serious consideration then chose “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

Tonight my son asked to watch it, since I have talked about it for years, but we have never gotten around to watching it. We started it tonight and will finish it later this week.

I can’t say enough about this film. It’s well-written, well-acted, and well-filmed. But more importantly, it strikes a chord — several chords — deep in my soul, every time I watch it. Most importantly, it makes me want to be a better man and to live my life as well as I can for my friends, family, and community. Deep down, I want to be counted in the ranks of the George Baileys of the world. And if I can’t, then I want my son to get there upon my shoulders.

“It’s a Wonderful Life” should be required viewing for every young person growing up. Anyone over the age of ten should see this movie with their parents, grandparents, or any adult who cares enough to explain what’s going on as the film rolls. If you haven’t seen it in a few years, do so. And bring a kid along for the ride.

This movie says it all about growing up well. It does not hide the truth that life is hard, and it’s even harder for those who choose to serve others. It teaches just about every character trait you would want to see in a young man or woman. In no way is it an easy life — just ask George Bailey — but it’s worth it all.

Here’s a fun little trivia game for lovers of this movie…Click here

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Tags: Relationship, Growing Up, Maturing, Community, Friends, Serving, Hard Work, Perseverence, Success, Significance, Role Models, Education, Resiliency, Faith, Thankfulness
Categories : Adolescence, Relationship, Resiliency, Role Models, Self-Discipline, Social Development

Counting Blessings

25 11 2009

Why can’t we be thankful? Why is having an attitude of gratitude so difficult? Even the most optimistic people have many days in which everything seems to be going badly, when nothing seems right. Indeed, there are awful things we have experienced, are experiencing, or will experience. Nobody is immune from trouble. In time, every person experiences intense grief, disappointment, or depression. It’s a necessary part of being human.

However, our culture does not deal well with trouble. It likes to gloss over it. For example, at DisneyWorld there is an exhibit which encourages its passengers to “turn that frown upside down!” Oh, if life were only that simple.

Even the Bible does not require us to be happy and smiling all the time. Instead, it challenges us to be thankful (1 Thessalonians 5:17). There is a big difference between a happy face and a thankful heart. Happiness is an instantaneous bliss. It’s a bit like pouring gas on a fire; it flares up fast, bright and hot, but it does not last very long. On the other hand, a thankful heart is a deeper joy, not mere emotion. It’s more like pouring a bucket of charcoal on a fire because it burns slowly, deeply, and for a very long time. Therefore, happiness is great for a moment, but thankfulness is eternally rewarding.

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Tags: Balance, Maturing, Thankfulness
Categories : Resiliency, Spiritual Development

Best Parenting, Teaching Books

24 11 2009

I recently read a blog which touted a new book called NurtureShock which seems to dispel a wide variety of well-accepted myths about raising children in America today. It seems like a very interesting, well-researched book. Unfortunately, I have a stack of a dozen excellent books that I want to read when I get the time. The time for me is usually in the summer. But buying one more book right now doesn’t make much sense at this point in my life.

However, if someone were to say, “You REALLY need to read this book. It helped me so much,” then I would surely put it on the top of the stack.

So, I am asking you — Yes, you — for suggestions. I am begging: What is the best book you have read on parenting, teaching, or coaching? Please leave a comment (anonymous is ok), even if it’s just the title and author.

Even better: Leave a comment about the worst book you have read on the topic, or at least the worst part of a book. Or perhaps there is an author or talk show host who says all the wrong things. Bring it on.

Comments : 7 Comments »
Tags: Coaching, Education, Parenting
Categories : Adolescence, Parenting

Remember Who Protects Us

11 11 2009

Veteran’s Day is a humbling holiday. There are no presents exchanged or extravagant meals shared. In fact, if celebrated properly there should be at least a few melancholy moments of deep respect for those who have sacrificed and are sacrificing to make the United States of America the home of the free.

We enjoy abundant freedom, prosperity, peace, and safety due to the voluntary sacrifices of the men and women of the Armed Forces of the past, present, and future.

Let’s not forget to honor those who have served as our protectors. We owe it to them to live well, making the most of our freedom, to make this nation better than it was. That begins with us and must be passed on to the next generation.

Click here for a nice tribute to the Armed Forces.

Click here to learn a new way to thank those in our service.

army_reserve_sunset_wp

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Tags: Education, Sacrifices, Serving, Significance
Categories : Education, Role Models

Faith Like a Child

9 11 2009

Tonight, my 11-year-old son voiced one of the most beautiful prayers I have ever heard. As we sat on the couch as usual for our prayers before bed, I went through our ritual of thanking God for our many blessings, for health, for some recent good news, and so on. My son then prayed for his 9-year-old sister who cannot talk due to her severe cerebral palsy.

It is not unusual for him to pray for her. It’s often something like, “God, please help my sister to walk and to talk and to be healthy.” What was unusual tonight was that he prayed FOR her. He actually said the words that he felt she would say, if she could. It took me a second to realize what he had just done. It was so poignant coming from him, totally on his own accord, FOR his sister. He was her mouthpiece, honoring both her and God so well in that moment.

And after every phrase or person’s name which she especially liked, she would say “uh” with great enthusiasm. That’s her way of saying YES to things she agrees with.

“Thank you for my teachers and friends at school, Lord”

“Uh!”

“Thank you for the good weather and for going on a walk in the neighborhood tonight.”

“Uh!”

“Thank you for my physical therapist who is helping me learn to walk.”

“Uh! Uh!”

This must be what Jesus meant when he said that we need to have faith like a child. (Matthew 18:1-4) Apparently, my kids have more faith than I do. Apparently, there are some ways in which we should not grow up.

God was speaking to me tonight.

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Tags: Christianity, Faith, Kids
Categories : Spiritual Development

Two Extraordinary Young Men

4 11 2009

This is a trailer for a terrific new documentary called “Sons of Lwala.” It is about two young men who left Kenya to pursue medical studies at Dartmouth, Vanderbilt, and Washington University. They wish to build a hospital in their home village of Lwala, Kenya, but they have absolutely no experience and no money. Their story is beautiful and inspiring, for they are normal young men who are working extraordinarily hard to make their world a whole lot better. In the process of pursuing their dreams, they are inspiring others to be better and do more for others.

Forget A-Rod and LeBron; these guys are REAL MEN and REAL LIFE HEROES. I took my 11 year old son, and he loved it. It will inspire young people to live better.

Check out the website which explains their story and their vision. Lwala Community Alliance. Buy the DVD in order to get the full story and to support their noble cause.

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Tags: Education, Role Models, Significance
Categories : Adolescence

Social Skills Needed: Apply Here

3 11 2009

There is a social epidemic that has swept the nation. While it used to be contained to young teenage girls, it is striking adults at an alarming rate in recent years. It sounds like this: “Um, it’s kinda like, well, you know when you just can’t really, like, seem to just um say like what um you like want to say? Like, um, do you know what I mean?”

The epidemic is clearly some kind of communication disorder, but it lacks a name. We need a good label. How about Unintelligible Verbal Skills Syndrome? Adult Communication Avoidance? Teenage Verbal Nonsense Disorder? Arrested Social Development? I think that one fits best – Arrested Social Development – because it’s really all about kids not growing up.

This communication deficiency is a sign of a larger problem. It’s more than just the inability to make coherent statements with purpose and confidence. It’s the larger problem of young adults not growing up in their speech, in their manners, or in other social skills. It’s seen in adults who talk and act like immature teens, even preteens, in so many ways.

Historically, parents have taught young children to shake hands with adults, look them in the eye, and say something positive, such as, “It’s nice to meet you.”

Read the rest of this entry »

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Tags: Communication, Education, Growing Up, Immaturity, Kids, Maturing, Preteens, Teacher
Categories : Adolescence, Education, Parenting, Social Development

Kids Need Community

26 10 2009

“No man is an island,” said John Donne, in reference to the ripple effect of the death of one man in a community. Indeed, we are made for community; we are not meant to live alone. By living and working with others, we enjoy many benefits. By choosing to go it alone, whatever the endeavor, we give up countless blessings. While mavericks make great movie characters, real loners miss out on so much. Unfortunately, there are more and more loners in our modern world.

A large social study in 2006 at Duke University illustrated “a sobering picture of an increasingly fragmented America, where intimate social ties — once seen as an integral part of daily life and associated with a host of psychological and civic benefits — are shrinking or nonexistent.” Click here for the article “We’re not saying people are completely isolated. They may have 600 friends on Facebook.com and e-mail 25 people a day, but they are not discussing matters that are personally important.”

It’s nothing new to learn that many people find it extremely difficult to live with others. They find themselves in all kinds of trouble when they have to work with others at length. They hurt people’s feelings, and they get hurt. They annoy and they get annoyed. They both get jealous and cause jealousy. So, they do the logical thing; they take the path of least resistance and withdraw from others. They become independent, vowing to avoid the problems that people cause in their lives.

After all, it is much easier, in the short run, to look out for yourself and take care of your own business, steering clear of other people’s business. But easy is not always good, especially when it comes to relationships.

Robert D. Putnam, a professor of public policy at Harvard and the author of Bowling Alone, wrote his famous book about the same problem – increasing social isolation in the United States. He believes that people must make deliberate steps to join and remain in small communities; otherwise, they will suffer great long-term consequences.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Tags: Adolescence, Community, Education, Growing Up, Independence, Kids, Loneliness, Maturing, Parenting, Relationship, Resiliency, Role Models, Significance, Teacher, Teens
Categories : Parenting, Relationship, Social Development

If (Rudyard Kipling)

22 10 2009

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

by, Rudyard Kipling

stockxpertcom_id517550_jpg_a08834e58ec7fa56bab828ba2578eb25

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Tags: Adolescence, Education, Growing Up, Independence, Kids, Maturing, Significance, Success
Categories : Adolescence, Education, Self-Discipline, Social Development

Just Believe in Yourself

19 10 2009

“Just believe in yourself, and you can achieve anything.”

“Pursue your dream, and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do it.”

“If you dream it, you can be it.”

Countless movies, songs, TV shows, and motivational speakers have preached this message. And countless teachers, coaches, and counselors preach the same message. Parents teach their children the same.

So, why would any young person ever doubt it? Most believe it 100% — until they experience enough reality that they realize that it’s a lie that adults tell to make children (and themselves) feel good. It’s just like the Easter Bunny, Santa Clause, and the Tooth Fairy. It’s something that feels good and right at the time, but eventually, life reveals that it’s just not true.

How many boys have spent hours each day playing basketball in the driveway because they knew that they could one day play in the NBA? How many make it? How many can even reach the simple goal of dunking? I know I tried everything to dunk, only to find that I was just not able, no matter how much I believed, how much I practiced, or how much I learned. I wasn’t good enough to play in college either. I wish someone (or several people) had told me something a lot more truthful, such as, “Quit trying to dunk and spend more time shooting because your only chance at playing in college is as a shooting guard. But don’t count on it, since the odds are extraordinarily stacked against it. Studying is much better for you than playing so much basketball.”

How many girls have spent endless hours singing in order to make it in the music business. How many make it? How many can even reach the simple goal of getting the lead part in their high school musical? How many high school musical leads get a recording contract? How many girls will be the next Miley Cyrus or Beyonce? What percentage of American Idol contestants succeed in getting fame? For millions of girls, it just doesn’t happen — no matter how much they believe in themselves and practice and learn and believe some more. It’s a fantasy.

It hinders kids to tell them that they can do whatever they put their mind to. And that’s in addition to the fact that it is a lie. It may be easy, feel-good advice, but it’s not true and it’s not helpful.

So what’s the solution?

Read the rest of this entry »

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Tags: Activities, Adolescence, Balance, Communication, Education, Growing Up, Hard Work, Independence, Kids, Maturing, Parenting, School, Success, Teacher, Teens
Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Education, Parenting

Growing Old in a World Gone Young

15 10 2009

coolguy A local radio station brags that they are “Younger. Smarter. Better.” It’s one of many marketing messages that tells us that grown-ups are “Older. Dumber. Inferior.” Well, as a long-time teacher of 12 and 13 year olds, I can tell you that younger is not smarter and better.

Younger is cuter. Younger is more energetic. Younger is more creative. But it’s also usually uneducated, unwise, and unbalanced. It’s mostly insecure, immature, and trendy. It’s adolescence. By definition, they are not grown up yet. They have a lot to learn. We were all there once too, remember? It is an exciting time of life, but it’s not the pinnacle of life.

Nevertheless, modern America worships youthfulness. The commodities of cool are money, beauty, athleticism, sexuality, fashion, music, “ink” (tattoos), and all things young. There are entire industries built upon the idea that staying Forever 21 is the most important thing in life, no matter if you are 10 or 59.

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Tags: Balance, Maturing, Parenting, Role Models, Significance, Teacher
Categories : Parenting, Role Models

Well-Mannered Teen Rebels

12 10 2009

With the decline of civility and manners in public life, it shouldn’t surprise anyone that so many young people lack basic manners. There are other factors, of course, such as the breakdown of the family unit and the lack of privacy and decorum in the media. There is much to be said about how bad it is and what has caused the lack of decency and manners, but I want to offer a positive perspective for those who care to train kids to be polite.

Kids with manners will stand out as all-stars, like never before. It is simply amazing to see how kids with good manners are rewarded for being counter-cultural.

A friend of mine needed some help moving into his new home. He said, “I had two students from a huge public high school help me move this summer. I was a little leery when I learned that they were two of the top athletes in the school. They had better manners than just about any high school kid I’d ever met. I asked them about it and they essentially said that interacting with adults the way that the majority of their peers made them just look like everybody else. They said they could have gotten a tattoo to be different the same way as everyone around them. Or, they could do something really different and simply go through life saying ‘please, thank you, yes sir and no ma’am.’ I paid them double what I said I would.”

Let’s help kids get this sort of edge on the competition. That means we have to model good manners, explain why it’s helpful, show them how to do it, correct them gently, and thank them for the times they get it right. It will pay big dividends for them for the rest of their lives. Good manners will yield success for young people in some surprising ways.

LINKS to specifics lists of good manners:

http://www.wikihow.com/Have-Good-Manners

http://www.rd.com/living-healthy/good-manners/article27599.html

http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetailsKids.aspx?p=335&id=2526&np=287

Comments : 2 Comments »
Tags: Communication, Education, Encouraging, Kids, Maturing, Role Models, Success
Categories : Parenting, Social Development

Asinine Arguments

6 10 2009

If you’ve worked with kids for any significant amount of time, you will see yourself somewhere in this, since some kids love to argue for the sake of the argument. And sometimes we engage in an argument that is just plain stupid.

If you want the entire 6-minute video, then here it is. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQFKtI6gn9Y&feature=related

The moral of the story is that it is important to realize that there are many times when an argument is simply asinine. See also: senseless, idiotic, ridiculous, ludicrous, absurd, nonsensical, inane, moronic.

An argument with a preteen or teenager is usually avoidable. But first, you must recognize what is happening. You must understand the warning signs of an unnecessary argument. Here are some possible reasons to postpone the argument for a better time, or to simply disengage from the discussion entirely.

It’s a truly petty issue (from all perspectives).
One of you is very tired, hungry, hot, or hormonal.
One of you is deeply upset about some other issue.
Blame is falsely-placed (they have to take out their anger on someone).

Point being that, more often than not, arguments are avoidable. It’s best to post-pone the discussion, and be sure to actually revisit the issue at a better time, and deal with it more effectively.

In addition, it’s crucial to remember that being right is not the most important thing in the world. In fact, the relationship with a person is more important than you feeling that you are right. Therefore, don’t beat up the other person with your “rightness.” Don’t demand that they acknowledge how very right you are or how very wrong they are. Instead, choose to err on the side of love, rather than fueling your need to feel right at that moment.

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Tags: Adolescence, Communication, Immaturity
Categories : Adolescence, Social Development

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