If you are a parent of young children or teens, then you cannot afford to be unhealthy. Futures depend on your personal health. For many of us, it feels like chasing after the wind.
My wife and I are in our mid-forties, and our health is not even close to what it used to be, even though we live a relatively healthy lifestyle. We eat healthy. We exercise. We are not overweight and don’t smoke. Sometimes it seems futile, but it’s just mid-life. We can do the right things, and yet our bodies are just going to be breaking down from here on out.
In this second half of life, there are some things that just won’t heal, that lifestyle won’t fix. Neither my eyes nor my ears will be getting better, no matter how healthy I try to live. It’s just decay. We get wrinkles, cysts, and gray hair.
In addition to the natural aging process, stress is slowly killing most 40-somethings. The responsibilities are often overwhelming, and the daily output of energy is rarely enough to keep pace with all the work and family activities. And while there are some effective techniques for dealing with stress, many of us have far more stress than can be counterbalanced by meditation, prayer, exercise, etc.
Don’t get me wrong. We are not giving in and giving up. In fact, we are doing what we can to fix the problems and improve our lifestyle to improve our long term health. We CAN become more healthy this year than last.
But there is no denying it. It’s an uphill battle, and the hills are getting steeper each year. At 44, we may have another 44 years left. Maybe even 54. Even if it’s just 24 years left, we have a lot of living ahead of us, and our kids have a lot of growing up to do.
They need us for their teenage years and college years, when they are learning to be an adult. But especially now. They need us to be physically and mentally healthy right now. This year. Remember, futures depend on our personal health, and it takes intentionality to be healthy at this age. And many of our choices can improve our health significantly.
So, what are the top three things that you could do this year that would most improve your physical and mental health?
1. ________________________________________
2. ________________________________________
3. ________________________________________
If you won’t do it for you, then do it for them. They need you. The healthy you.
Being a parent is overwhelming in mid-December, when everybody’s activities and pressures are multiplying. During the holidays, our expectation of family life is heightened along with our kids’ sense of entitlement and their frustrations with school. Arguments are common this time of year. Perhaps a few lumps of coal belong in some stockings. It’s a time of year when we doubt ourselves as parents.
The journey of parenting is far too long and dangerous to warrant any amount of comfort. Deep down we know that any number of things can get sideways in a hurry, and far too many of those things are beyond our control.
So, how do we know if we are on the right path? How do we know if we are making any progress?
Salesmen can gauge success with sales figures, bar graphs, and commissions. Coaches can measure success with wins, losses, statistics, and championships. But parents labor daily without any quantifiers of success.
Some might say that a good apple falls from a good tree, but it’s not as simple as looking at the immediate results of children. After all, we all know a few stable, loving parents who use good parenting techniques but have a child who doesn’t seem to be turning out so well. Conversely, we all know a few unstable families, and yet some of their kids seem to be flourishing. Some kids rebel, no matter what their parents do, while other kids succeed, in spite of all sorts of family dysfunction. In addition, many kids simply take more time to mature than others, in spite of all the efforts of their parents.
We cannot use the current status of a child to accurately measure the success of a parent. It’s not fair to the child or to the parent. As a middle school teacher, I have learned that you cannot judge a person on their 7th grade year. Well, pick any year, for that matter. It’s not fair to judge anyone on a short era in their history. Kids should all come with visible birthmarks that read: “Work in Progress.”
In addition, there is no other measure that satisfies the question: “Am I actually parenting really well?” Read the rest of this entry »
If more parents focused on character over performance, then we would not need signs like this.
Sign at a youth hockey game.
Consider the many benefits of playing a musical instrument. Every child should try to play some sort of instrument to create music. It does not have to be classical or even in a group, although playing in the band at school is certainly a terrific activity. Just get involved in making some music.
I coach middle school cross country, which is not a glamorous job, but it is uniquely rewarding. For young distance runners, the hardest part is embracing the pain that creates stronger legs and faster times. I try to make practices and meets fun, but there is no way of getting around the fact that running really fast for 15-20 minutes is going to be painful, especially for growing little bodies.
Most of the kids who run cross country learn that without a healthy dose of pain every day they will not improve. No pain, no gain. Convincing kids of this is no easy task, but over time the sport tends to naturally reward those who fight through physical pain and emotional weakness.
When a young person develops some mental and physical toughness, they are growing up well. It’s incredibly rewarding to see the progress that these kids make over a season.
Some of my fellow coaches, Doug and Jennifer Meyer, use a fairy tale metaphor when explaining the need to persevere over a long distance. It also applies to many of life’s challenges that require stamina.
Parenting is a distance run, after all.
The Wolf
Somewhere in the middle of the race, there is a big bad wolf lurking around the corner. He will try to get you to slow down.
He sneaks up next to you and says things like, “Slow down. You’re hurting yourself. This is crazy. What’s the point of this? It’s not like you can win the race. You’re not very fast. Doesn’t this hurt? Just take it easy. No one will notice.”
The wolf doesn’t want you to work hard to achieve your goals. Read the rest of this entry »
