Another Hidden Role Model

1 09 2010

My role model is the night janitor.  Carson sweeps the floors, picks up trash, and cleans up spills and stains throughout the 7th grade hallway.  He does an excellent job and typically offers to do more than he is expected to do.

Beyond his work, Carson cares about the people he serves, and he exhibits a consistently positive attitude.  I don’t know if he truly enjoys his work, but you wouldn’t know it if he didn’t.  He is consummately kind to the students and teachers in the hallway.  And as a result, he is well-liked and respected by everyone who has met him.  Last Christmas, he bought me a Rhonda Vincent CD because he knew how much I like Alison Krauss, and we do not have any sort of gift exchange program here.  He’s just like that.  He’ll leave notes on my desk randomly, always encouraging in some way.  The guy serves well — with breadth and depth.

Here’s a glimpse of a card he wrote for me last week: “Thank you for allowing me to serve you these past 2+ years.  I hope you will be accepting my work during this school year as well… Remember that a man’s true strength is wisdom, and you should share it freely…“  Then the card concludes with a beautiful, lengthy prayer for me to be a great teacher this year.  He could be the school chaplain and minister less. Amazing.

Unfortunately, guys like Carson don’t make the news.  They are not heralded on stage.  they don’t win awards, and they are not on the cover of a magazine.  Ever.  And yet, it’s not that they need fame.  They are living richly without fame.  It’s just a shame that more people don’t have the privilege of witnessing a humble life well-lived.

One of my old buddies from high school has become famous.  He has hosted Saturday Night Live twice, is on the cover of Rolling Stone this month with three gorgeous women, and has won some Emmy Awards and Golden Globes in the last few years.  I even saw him on a huge ad on the side of a bus last week.  He is THE rising male star in Hollywood, best known for his portrayal of Don Draper in the hit show Mad Men.  Jon Hamm is a great guy.  He’s talented, intelligent, funny, good-looking, charming, and athletic.  He is kind to people and is quite “down-to-earth,” by all accounts.  I am happy for his success.

I just wish that guys like Carson could get as much attention.  It’s one of life’s injustices.  Occasionally, a humble saint comes along who garners attention, such as Mother Teresa, but it’s rare.  Instead, we get less.  Pick a celebrity — any of them — and I’ll take Carson as my role model instead.

So, how do I get my son to see things my way?  How do I get some of my students to see through the media madness and recognize that the real role models are usually hidden around us?  I have an idea, but no real solution to this dilemma.

Perhaps it’s just a matter of being the best role model I can be, and then pointing out the good qualities I see in all sorts of people around me.  I can point to the good characteristics of Jon Hamm, as well as the good qualities of Carson, the night janitor.  I can lead the way for the kids in my care, and pray that in the long run, they will come back to what I taught them.  Maybe I can’t shine a spotlight globally, the way the media can, but I can shine a spotlight for the kids near me every day.



Comments : 2 Comments »
Tags: , , , ,
Categories : Adolescence, Media Influence, Parenting, Role Models

Making Homework More Palatable

24 08 2010
Cheri Lucas, a journalist in the San Francisco Bay Area, is a writing aide at Corte Madera Middle School in Portola Valley, California.

After a sun-drenched summer of family trips and dips in the swimming pool, students may find themselves in a slump come September. Your child may not be motivated to undertake a new weekly schedule, especially one with homework each day. So how can he make the transition into a new school year? Here’s how:

  • Don’t Ditch the Fun. Making a big deal about going back to school – from shopping for supplies to buying new textbooks – implies that because summer is over, fun and freedom must come to an end. Try a different mentality: don’t make too-drastic changes in your child’s daily schedule. Allow her to continue to relax as she’s done in the summer – just limit her playtime a bit. Bottom line? You can’t – and shouldn’t – switch her abruptly into study mode simply because the seasons change.
  • Say Goodbye to “Homework.” “Eliminate the word homework from your vocabulary,” suggest authors Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, who maintain www.uncommon-parenting.com.  Replace homework with the word “study,” for instance. Engage in “study time” instead of “homework time,” and work at a “study table” instead of a “homework table.” “This word change alone will go a long way towards eliminating the problem of your child saying, ‘I don’t have any homework.’ Study time is about studying, even if you don’t have any homework,” say Moorman and Haller.
  • Study Outside the Box. Create a quiet, comfortable homework space in an unusual location in the house. Sitting behind a desk may feel uninspiring — what about reading in a papasan chair on the patio, or plopping down on the floor in a cozy corner with a laptop tray, which doubles as a table? If your child is forced to sit upright like a stiff board, she won’t get comfortable when doing her work.

Read the rest of this entry »


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , , ,
Categories : Adolescence, Education

Failure’s Top Ten List

23 08 2010

1.  Not Everybody Gets A Trophy

Somewhere along the line we became a society that preached instant gratification. Like a giant carnival, our slogan became “everybody wins all the time.” We know it’s not true. It’s also a terrible example to set. Losing is every bit as important in human growth as winning. Rewarding your child for doing nothing will teach him just that. Nothing.

2.  Everyone Has Different Talents

Maybe your daughter wants to be the next Carrie Underwood. Then you hear her sing. Your son wants to be Evan Longoria. He can’t hit the ball off a tee. There are just some things we aren’t cut out for. It’s best to learn that at an early age. The good news is that they are a champion at something. Guide them towards where their gifts lie.

3.  Have Class

What is one of the most flattering descriptions a person can hear? “He sure has a lot of class.” “She sure was a great sport about it.” Are you teaching your children how to fail with dignity? How a person accepts failure is an easy indicator of the character within. It also almost guarantees future success. Respect is gained outwardly and inwardly. Coach Dungy is prime example of “class.”

4.  Learning From Mistakes

“I think and think for months. For years. Ninety-nine times the conclusion is false. The hundredth time I am right.” Who said that? Albert Einstein. Mistakes humble. They can hurt. Yet without them, we are stagnant. Every mistake we make is an educational experience. Every success is built upon a foundation of errors and corrections.

Read the rest of this entry »


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Discipline, Education, Resiliency, Self-Discipline, Social Development, Spiritual Development

Back to School – Sleep Needed

16 08 2010

Today was the first day of school for me and my new students.  It was a truly exciting and exhausting day.  Many of us did not sleep well last night, as our brains buzzed with so many random things to do, to remember, and to worry about.  And on top of a little sleep deprivation, we expend a lot of extra physical, emotional, and mental energy in these first days of school.  It’s a shock to the system, indeed.

More than ever we need to take care of ourselves by eating well, exercising, drinking lots of water, and setting a good sleep pattern.

The American Medical Association recommends that adolescents sleep approximately 9 hours a night. Yet, there is some research to suggest that biological sleep patterns change in adolescence. Melatonin, the chemical our brain secretes to help us sleep, is secreted in the teen brain from 11 pm to 8am. Thus, your teen may not FEEL sleepy earlier than 11. Nonetheless, there are some practical ways you can help your child get sleep.

•Avoid caffeine in the afternoon.

•Avoid computer games that can be arousing prior to bedtime.

•Avoid bright lights in the evening and sleeping with a TV or computer screen flickering in the bedroom.

• Allow your teen to sleep in 2 to 3 hours later than the usual on weekends. Allowing your teen to sleep more can disrupt his/her sleeping schedule.

•Make sure your teen has a healthy breakfast. Often, teens don’t take the time to eat in the morning – providing a high protein energy bar is a simple solution.

•Help your teen plan study times. Post a family calendar on the refrigerator with all family obligations, sports practices, church activities, etc. This allows your teen to plan blocks of time to complete homework. A teen’s ability to plan and organize is a later developing brain function; do not be afraid to provide structure, as needed.

•Homework is a learning tool that helps provide the student and teacher with information concerning skills/concepts that may or may not have been understood. If your student is struggling with an assignment, encourage your teen to make an appointment with his/her teacher.  Check homework for completion, not accuracy.


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , ,
Categories : Adolescence, Education, Physical Development

Role Model Wrestler

3 08 2010

Anthony Robles, is an All-American student-athlete at Arizona State University, where they describe him on their athletic website as… “one of the top high school wrestlers in the nation… won the Arizona state championship twice after finishing sixth as a sophomore… went 48-0 in each of his last two seasons…”  Since high school, he has finished 4th and 7th at the NCAA Wrestling National Championship in the 125 pound division.  By all accounts, he is described as humble, hard-working, studious, and friendly.

The twist to the story is that he was born with only one leg and uses crutches everywhere he goes.  He can run a mile in 8 minutes on crutches and hopes to get it down to just 6 minutes.  For more, check out these videos.


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , , , ,
Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Discipline, Resiliency, Role Models

The Sex Talk

28 07 2010

No parent enjoys talking about sex with their adolescent children.  It’s just awkward, and there’s no way to make it easy and effective.  You either wimp out and take the easy road, and cover little to no territory.  Or you dive into the deep end and get awkward all over the place.

So, in addition to having some slightly-awkward discussions with my just-turned-twelve son, I found a book which should help a lot.  It’s called Sex and the New You, and it does a very nice job of explaining sex to 11-14 year olds.  There are other books in the series for younger and older age groups, and I think they are well-grouped.  You should know that this book series is published by Concordia Publishing, which is a Christian publishing house, so the role of sexuality in the book is coming from a God-centered viewpoint.  In other words, God created human sexuality for good purposes, and it’s our job to understand it and handle it with care.

I found the book to be very informative, honest, and positive about some hard-to-discuss issues.  It focuses positively on the changes that occur in every young person, as they experience puberty.  But it also delves into more difficult topics, but at an age-appropriate level, in each case.  Clearly, it was a team of authors with a lot of experience with adolescents who wrote this book.  I think it will be an excellent resource for my son at this point in his life.


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , , , ,
Categories : Adolescence, Education, Parenting, Physical Development, health

Fit Kids!

24 07 2010

I’m in the midst of researching youth fitness issues, as I prepare to teach cross-country for the first time this year. My wife suggested Fit Kids! by Dr. Ken Cooper. I’ve been familiar with Dr. Cooper’s work for many years; he has a phenomenal (and massive) health clinic in Dallas.  He actually invented modern aerobics.  Nobody has more breadth and depth of knowledge about general fitness, in my opinion.

All that to say that this book is an excellent resource about kids’ exercise, diet, stress, and sports.  He is not extreme in any way, and he bases his opinions on research, not mere experience.  It’s a bit old (last updated in 1999), but I didn’t find anything that seemed dated in any way.  You can buy it for under $2 from Amazon or $1 on Half.com (my favorite), so it’ll be delivered to your door for about $5.  My wife and I highly recommend it, whether you are a youth sports coach, PE teacher, or a parent.


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , , , , , ,
Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Education, Physical Development, health

Fandango: How boys make friends

22 07 2010

fandango  |fanˈda ng gō|  noun
1. a lively Spanish dance.
2. a foolish or useless act or thing.

In May 1993, six young men on the cusp of college graduation, decided to forgo the prudent way to spend the final two days before final exams, in favor of driving south all night toward Mexico in a small Toyota pickup, in pursuit of an adventure worthy of a lifelong memory.  Inspired by the little-known movie, Fandango, they piled three in the cab, three in the bed, with nothing packed but a desire to do something truly memorable and perhaps meaningful.  It was their final act before each going their own way in life to sundry cities, careers, and spouses.  It would be a celebration of the privileges of youth. And it would be repeated many times later.  Only later it would be a celebration of something more meaningful – deep friendship amidst life’s struggles.

Ten years later, those men, returned to retrieve what was left behind: a makeshift time capsule buried a stone’s throw from Mexico, full of meaningful tokens, such as pictures, prophecies, jewelry, notes to self, and a pact of friendship that they wrote on the spot.

And ever since 2003, they reunite for another summer fandango (each year someplace new).  Fandango began as a silly 36-hour road trip, and it’s become a rich tradition for these men. I am privileged to be a part of that group that grows in friendship each year.

We have talked about writing a book about it, but we can’t seem to agree on exactly how to do it well. I believe that the adventures and the lessons need more time to percolate, and in time, it will make a good read.  In the meantime, we’ve dabbled with some small pieces of writing.  Last year, Yancey wrote a piece about our 2009 Fandango, and this year Jeff has written a bit about the 2010 Fandango on his blog. I think it deserves attention in this space, since it deals with how men form strong friendships.

Boys, 10-14 especially, need to learn how to make friends well, in order to grow up to be effective men.  So if this interests you, follow this link to Jeff’s article about how men make lifelong friendships.  Here’s a taste: “For guys, friendship never happens as spontaneously as we’d like. It takes props, plans, and risks, but the investment leads to a kind of laughter that is only shared by true compañeros.”

I hope it helps you better understand how to help boys make friends, for they are a very different social animal than girls.

In short, find ways to give boys opportunities (within basic safety limits) to get together to…

  • be physical  (wrestle, tackle, flip, chase, body surf…)
  • be silly  (tell jokes, tease, perform skits, practical jokes…)
  • take risks  (compete to win, jump off the high dive, ride a roller coaster…)
  • go on an adventurous journey with a mission (road trip with dad, bike ride to grocery store, hunting with grandpa…)
  • play with stuff (build forts, make a bonfire with dad, Nerf, foam swords…)

Boys need to share these kinds of experiences with other boys in order to make friends.  It rarely happens any other way.


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Categories : Friendship, Relationship, Social Development

Prepare Them for Life

17 07 2010

Protection and provision are not enough.

“Here’s the paradox: If we protect our children too absolutely, we actually end up exposing them to other risks.  And leave them without the skills, experiences, and minor life lessons that they’ll need to handle the big challenges as they grow up.” (Perri Klass, M.D.)

When children are very young, they must be protected and nurtured in absolutely every way.  An infant is helpless and needy at all times.  He must be fed, clothed, changed, transported, and even cajoled into sleep – or else he will get sick and die.  Babies are totally unprepared for life.  Now flash forward 18 years, and that same human, now full-grown, had better not be helpless or needy, or else something very wrong has taken place in the meantime.  That 18 year old should be a strong, self-sufficient young man, able to learn on his own at school, have a variety of healthy relationships, and be able to do the jobs that other adults require of them, in order to have any success in his adult life.  After all, he is a legal adult with all the rights and privileges that come with: working, paying taxes, continuing education, voting, getting married, having children, and even fighting in a war.  He should be ready to fly on his own – maybe not soar yet, but fly enough to survive.

In a recent article about “helicopter parenting” we get a glimpse of the problem from the eyes of a college professor.  “Kathleen Crowley, a professor of psychology says parents’ eagerness to overdirect their children’s lives has led to young adults who are less independent and creative than the generation before. Twenty years ago, Crowley announced an upcoming test in her college classes and that was the end of the discussion. Now, she says she’s expected to provide students with a study guide so they know exactly how to prepare, and she’s had these same young adults come to her in tears because they’d earned their first B and didn’t know how to cope. Because of this “extended adolescence,” when these students graduate and enter their careers, they’re now offered workplace mentoring and on-the-job training just to ensure their success.” (Jennifer Gish)

So why are so many 18-28 year old men and women still in adolescence?  Why are so many having nervous breakdowns in the midst of their inability to deal with the trials of life?  Why are so many young men and women crippled (socially and emotionally) in the adult world?

The answer may be simple, but the solution is complex.  The young man’s parents, teachers, and coaches may have done a fine job of protecting and providing, but they did not prepare the child for adulthood.  The solution is not so simple.  HOW do you prepare a child to succeed on his or her own?  (The following is not a comprehensive list)

Read the rest of this entry »


Comments : 1 Comment »
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories : Adolescence, Discipline, Education, Parenting, Relationship, Resiliency, Role Models, Self-Discipline, Social Development

Cool Kids

14 07 2010

At times I am as guilty as anyone of ranting about how kids these days just aren’t what they used to be.  And while it is certainly scary and frustrating to see all the many troubles with youth culture, it’s so important to not lose sight of the kids who are doing so well in so many ways.  The fact is that there  are A LOT of terrific kids out there, and yet we don’t know about them.

I don’t know this girl personally.  I just stumbled on this article online, but I was glad to see a newspaper devoting some space for kids who are growing up well.  This girl is obviously talented, but she deserves credit for using her gifts and talents well.

http://www.gazette.com/articles/strong-99996-bethany-nominated.html

I believe that every school in the country has kids like this, and that they are not all that unusual.  It’s just that the bad kids get all the press.  So let’s remember that there are plenty of cool kids (not necessarily “popular”) out there doing great things.  And remember that just because there are a lot of knucklehead kids out there making trouble does not mean that there aren’t as many all-stars out there quietly making the world a better place.


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , ,
Categories : Education, Role Models, Self-Discipline

Video Games

13 07 2010

I grew up with the Atari 2600 video game system.  It was the cultural phenomenon of 1978, right along with Star Wars (I was a nut for both).  To go from the old Pong game system to Space Invaders, Pac Man, Pitfall, and Asteroids seemed like a giant leap for all mankind.  I had such fun playing those games, saving up my money to buy another cartridge, and swapping stories and games with my friends.  Perhaps I wasted some hours of life along the way, especially in the long days of summer, but all in all, it was good clean fun.

Flash forward 33 summers later.  My son just turned 12, and like all boys, loves to play video games on his X-Box.  As a matter of fact, right now he is playing a video hockey game with a friend.  They just finished playing soccer and wiffle ball outside, so it’s a great way to cool down indoors on this steamy July afternoon.

This is what I love about video games.  It can be a very social activity for boys and girls to play in between more active, creative activities. Sometimes, my son and I will play a game when we are wiped out from the other activities of the day, and we just want to chill out and have some fun.  We tease each other and laugh a lot, as we play a game that keeps us acting and reacting to each others’ onscreen moves.  Mostly, he wins, which makes him feel great, but most importantly, we enjoy the free-spirited competition –  the laughs, the taunts, the punches — much more than the game itself.

As with every good thing, there can be too much of it.  Here’s one of many articles about the negative effects of too much gaming. Certainly, moderation is paramount with video games. Read the rest of this entry »


Comments : 2 Comments »
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories : Adolescence, Media Influence, Parenting, Social Development, Technology, health

Sleep Tight

5 07 2010

Sleep is a gift from God that heals all kinds of physical, emotional, and mental problems.  We all know it’s good for us, but sometimes we forget just how good it is for us.

Summer is a time when you’d think that sleep would be easy, but it’s not.  A lot of kids woke up exhausted this morning on the 5th of July.  Fireworks, soda, hotdogs, chips, running, playing, bruises, and total exhaustion all culminated last night.

So, here are some good reminders about how to get more sleep this week.  Click here if you are interested.


Comments : 1 Comment »

Categories : Adolescence

Avoiding a Mid-Life Crisis

1 07 2010

If you are growing old well, then you are likely to help a child grow up well.

40 is not old, but it’s certainly not young either.  It’s the start of mid-life, and it has a well-earned, dangerous reputation.  It’s when so many people have an inner crisis, even if life is sailing along smoothly on the outside.  At some point disappointment, boredom, or depression accompany the person who has a career, a family, a home, a community, and all the subsequent stress of being responsible for so much.  In addition, health problems of all kinds begin to flare up by 40, which remind us that we are decaying in far more ways than we are growing.

Many 40-somethings have established their career, have gotten married, have had a few kids, and have bought all the things they need and most of the things they want.  They have arrived at their life destination, and they wonder, “This is it?”

For others, they are still building the best  life they can, and they feel the crushing weight of pressure from what they have constructed.  There are too many things to do, too many people to care for, too many problems to solve – just too many responsibilities in every area of life.  They are caring for children, spouses, friends, employees, and even aging parents.  They get to a point where they simply cannot balance it all anymore; it’s all just too much.  In frustration they cry out, “There just isn’t enough me to go around!”

It’s a tough time of life, indeed, and for some it’s just too much, so they pull the ripcord of life.  They give up on something big, like their marriage, their kids, or their career.  Sometimes they chuck it all at once.  Or they just give up trying very hard at anything, settling into a comfortably complacent lifestyle.  They fall prey to the consumer-centered suburban lifestyle, and they go out to pasture.

So what’s a mid-lifer to do?  Well, after spending four days in Colorado with some of my favorite 40-ish guys, I’m ready to convey a few suggestions based on our conversations.  I’m sorry if any of this seems trite; I realize that all of these things are a lot easier said than done.  But hopefully, it will help in some way – for your sake, and for your kids.

  1. Focus. Identify your top four or five priorities in life and focus on them — to the detriment of all else.  Set your sights on just a few things that you are passionate about and that you have valued for a long time.  For me (at this point in my life) it’s family, faith, teaching, and writing.  If I can do those things well, then I am on the right track.  But that may mean that I am not going to keep up with all my friends very well.  It means that I am not going to be able to play golf, read a novel a month, or hone my guitar skills anytime soon.  I have to face facts: I can only do so much.  Trying to do it all is living in a fantasy world (see #4 below).  Learn to accept mediocrity in the less important areas of your life. Read the rest of this entry »

Comments : 2 Comments »
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories : Parenting, Relationship, Resiliency, Role Models, health

Turning 40

29 06 2010

I just got back from spending four days in Winter Park, Colorado, with six of my best friends.  We met in college and have been close friends since, largely due to the fact that we get together every summer for what we call Fandango (long story).  This is the year when we are turning 40, and the theme of this year’s Fandango turned out to be “dealing with mid-life.”

I will write more on what we concluded about avoiding a mid-life crisis, but for now, enjoy this video related to what pains us about what we do at forty.


Comments : 2 Comments »

Categories : Parenting

Father or Friend?

21 06 2010

Father’s Day.  We give Dad something like a pocket knife or a round of golf.  We remind him that we appreciate his work and that his role is valuable.  It’s a worthwhile holiday, even if it’s a bit underwhelming sometimes.  Nonetheless, a good dad is priceless, which is worth celebrating.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who are deeply-saddened on Father’s Day.  It’s a painful reminder of what could have been, or once was.  There are so many who would give anything to have a father to celebrate.  So many men wish they could go back in time and do it over again.  So many had a terrific dad, only to lose him.  For too many, Father’s Day is a reminder of disappointment or tragedy: car accident, cancer, divorce, abandonment, infertility, suicide, or decades of emotional distance.  Let this be a reminder that fatherhood should not be taken for granted.

Fortunately, there are many men who have enjoyed the privilege of fatherhood for decades and have taken the responsibility very seriously.  They are fortunate, indeed, as are their children.

An old college buddy of mine wrote on his FaceBook wall the following tribute to his dad.  “Growing up, he never was distracted by trying to get me to like him – probably the most impressive thing about his love for me. I see parents all the time that try to get their kids to like them so THEY can feel good. It takes a takes a hell of a lot of vision, self-confidence, and faith to be a great parent.”

It’s such a tough job, being a parent. It’s one thing or another, an uphill journey with no end.  It’s my firm belief that the price of being a loving parent is high, one way or another.  You pay now, or pay later.  But the highest price is the paid along the path of least resistance. Those who take the easy road parenting end up in the worst destinations.  But those who choose to sacrifice, serve, teach, discipline, encourage, and love their kids daily, making their kids’ needs (not wants) their top priority, will have a tough time of it too.  Later, however, they will enjoy the sweet fruits of their work, in the form of beautiful, powerful relationships – full of respect and affection.

Unfortunately, the norm seems to be that parents are giving up the hard role of being a parent and taking on the fun role of just being a friend.  So many kids are raising themselves – ineffectively.  They are figuring things out the hard way, or not figuring things out in any way.  And that is one of society’s biggest problems.  This is largely due to parents making deals with their kids to make them happy, rather than making the tough choices that lead to good character.

So, choose to be the adult in your relationship with your child.  And encourage others (tactfully, of course) to be the parent, not just a friend.  Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not turn from it.”  Training is tough, but it pays off.  Ask any athlete, soldier, or dog owner.

Be the adult, the teacher, the leader, the protector, the provider, the encourager — and yes, the friend.  The payoff will be immense.


Comments : 2 Comments »
Tags: , , , , ,
Categories : Adolescence, Discipline, Parenting, Relationship

Validation

14 06 2010

This modern fable of love is worth watching.  Give it a whirl.


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: ,
Categories : Relationship, Social Development

Twilight – Good Book for Kids?

10 06 2010

Written by a follower of this blog – A mother and teacher of middle schoolers

When parents are faced with their elementary child begging to read a book, they should not deny them that opportunity simply because they’ve “heard” it’s an inappropriate book.  Even worse, parents should NOT just let their kids read anything at all with no supervision. Take the Twilight series that so many elementary-aged girls are reading, for example. It seems that very few adults know much about this book; they’ve just heard some things.
Well, I broke down and started reading Twilight. I’m reading it because I was so surprised to hear two middle school English teachers and the elementary librarian tell me how much they liked it. I asked if it was well written to which they responded with some ambiguity, but then they went on to talk and talk and talk about the story. In some sense, it must hold some kind of merit with regards to writing if it inspired so much conversation.

So they dared me to read it. I didn’t WANT to like it. But I did. I read over half of the book in one sitting.

Read the rest of this entry »


Comments : 3 Comments »
Tags: , , , , ,
Categories : Adolescence, Education, Parenting, Social Development

Lousy Starts and Strong Finishes

2 06 2010

I’m grading papers on the second to last day of the school year.  I’m grading fast, trying to finish ASAP, so I can go run some errands.  I am more than a little ready to get out from behind my desk and browse around the hardware store, before heading home.  Teaching in May is exhausting.  And in walks Ian, who is in a very happy mood.

Ian is a junior (a senior in just 24 hours) who was an English student of mine five years ago when he was in seventh grade.  Back then, he was a trainwreck academically (he’s the first to admit that).  In spite of his positive attitude and a love for books and acting, he was a woeful writer.  He routinely earned D’s and F’s on his papers, especially on essays of any length.  He could talk your ear off, and he was terrific in dramatic performance, but writing was a source of constant frustration.  Truly, his spelling, handwriting, and syntax were awful.  Trust me.  It was scary.

Read the rest of this entry »


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , , , , , ,
Categories : Adolescence, Education, Parenting, Resiliency, Self-Discipline, Social Development

Kids Should Work Alongside Adults

28 05 2010

“Unfortunately, many of today’s teenagers make no meaningful contribution to their families.  They have nothing more to contribute to the family than reluctantly taking out the garbage or picking up their room after being told again and again. That’s not a contribution. At that point it is more like self-preservation.

“Kids need to be given responsibilities in the family that they can claim and make happen without parental badgering. It builds a sense of value and belonging. If they don’t have time, adjust their schedule to make time. Kids who make no meaningful contribution to the family tend to grow up feeling entitled and self-absorbed, making them rotten spouses, parents, and citizens as well.” – Mark Gregston, The Family Citizen (5.28.2010)

It’s important to note that young kids, as well as teenagers, need to be given tasks that are helpful to the adults in the house or playing field or classroom.  It should be totally normal for our kids to to little, helpful tasks.  They should expect to hear us say, “Hey Joey, go get those cones for me at the far goal.  Thanks, man.”  It should not shock them to hear us say, “Kathy, grab those books and that globe on the way up to the library for me.  Thanks.”  And at home, the adults should not always be working harder than the kids.  Kids should be working with their parents, not watching TV while mom and dad do all the preparing and cleaning for dinner.

Kids working alongside adults is good for everybody!


Comments : 2 Comments »
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories : Adolescence, Discipline, Parenting, Self-Discipline, Social Development

Globally-Aware Kids

17 05 2010

One of the most important things for kids in America to know is how very fortunate they are in relation to children just like them around the world.  Too many kids think that they have earned the blessings in their life due to their good behavior or some such sense of entitlement.  The truth is that they are blessed by the mercy of their Maker who, for whatever reason, saw fit to place them in one of the most peaceful and prosperous nations in the history of the world.  Being born into a stable American family is not normal; it’s a privilege.  And that’s just the start of the parade of blessings in most kids’ lives in America.

It’s also essential for our kids to see that they may not be able to change the world single-handedly in a day, but they can do something.  A little bit everyday to help others goes a long way.  And a great idea pursued with passion once in a blue moon goes a long way.  Whatever it takes to get kids more involved in helping others, especially those in great need, is a wonderful thing.

Consider how you might find a way to help a young person in your life gain a more global perspective.  Here’s a video made by a boy and his dad in an attempt to raise money for the most vulnerable people on the planet – orphans in poverty.  If nothing else, the missionaries who run the orphanage and school, Lian and Clara Tombing, are great role models of loving service for others.

Orphanage / school in Manipur, India

Orphanage / school in Manipur, India

This movie requires Adobe Flash for playback.

Read the rest of this entry »


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , , , , , ,
Categories : Education, Role Models, Spiritual Development

Inappropriate for Young Girls

13 05 2010

“The fact that it’s happened shouldn’t be at all surprising. After all, it’s just the way things are in the music industry. Sadly, a host of parents who thought they were doing the safe thing are learning otherwise. Even sadder, the great majority of people will notice, but not care.“  Walt Mueller, founder of the Center for Parent / Youth Understanding, writes this in his blog.

“This time it’s Miley Cyrus, a 17-year-old (not even legally an adult) who has chosen to walk the path to pop music sustainability by going through an almost overnight transformation. It’s not an original move. It’s a path that’s been followed many times before. . . . and, it works. Now, one must wonder what effect Miley’s makeover will have on the values, attitudes, and behaviors of a host of elementary-aged kids who watched and adored her and her every move.”

Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, and a host of other young singers have all gone down the same path that Miley Cyrus is now on.  Each one, at some point in their careers, crossed the threshold.  They made their choice to run from the lucrative KIDS section of the bookstore to the more-lucrative ADULT section.  And most of their young fans follow along with a new-found love for what is “smokin’ hot.”

So, here in this video you will witness the death of Hannah Montana.  Say goodbye to the sweet, cute, happy-go-lucky Hannah Montana, the princess of the Disney TV empire.  Say goodbye to Miley Cyrus, the emerging young pop-country singer.  Say hello to the sexy new Miley Cyrus.  See and judge for yourself

Read the rest of this entry »


Comments : 6 Comments »
Tags: , , , , , ,
Categories : Adolescence, Media Influence, Role Models

Kindness Matters

5 05 2010

Now and then, the tables are turned, and an everyday kid doing a good deed gets some attention.

Let’s all remember that there are plenty of kids out there growing up and making a difference now.

———————————————————————————————

Sportsmanship is alive

St. Louis Post-Dispatch

It’s such an easy gesture yet it’s rarely seen…the simple act of sportsmanship.

Early in the game played on the lush fields of Westminster Christian Academy in Creve Coeur, Webster Groves lacrosse player Caroline Burk went down with a leg injury.  As coach Josh Palacios  ran to his player, she was already being attended to by Westminster Christians’s Danielle Pfyl.  The two helped Caroline to the sidelines.

These days the act is rarely seen away from the high school playing fields.

Over the course of covering six St. Louis Cardinals games so far this season, this photographer has seen more jawing between pitchers and hitters, both demanding respect.  In one instance the banter almost resulted in a bench clearing confrontation.

They could learn just a little bit from Danielle.

Read the Comments from both players here.  Wonderful stuff.

———————————————————————————————

Related Post: athletics-is-a-means-to-an-end


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Education, Role Models, Social Development

Mean Moms

1 05 2010

Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them, as my Mean Mom told me:
I loved you enough to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home.
I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.
I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.
I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren’t perfect.
I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.
But most of all, I loved you enough to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it.
Those were the most difficult battles of all. I’m glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.
And someday when your children are old enough to
understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.
Was your Mom mean?
I know mine was.
I had the meanest mother in the whole world!
While other kids ate candy for breakfast, I had to have cereal, eggs, and toast.
When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, I had to eat sandwiches.
And you can guess my mother fixed me a dinner that was
different from what other kids had, too.
Mother insisted on knowing where I was at all times.
You’d think I was a convict in a prison.
She had to know who my friends were and what I was doing with them.
She insisted that if I said I would be gone for an hour, I would be gone for an hour or less.
I was ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break
the Child Labor Laws by making me work.
I had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for me to do.
She always insisted on me telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
By the time I was a teenager, she could read my mind
and had eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was really tough!
Mother wouldn’t let my friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them.
While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13,
I had to wait until I was 16.
Because of my mother I missed out on lots of things other kids experienced.
I have never been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other’s property or been arrested for any crime. It was all her fault.
Now that I have left home, I am an educated, honest adult.
And…I am doing my best to be a mean mom just like my Mom was.
I think that is what’s wrong with the world today. It just doesn’t have enough mean moms!

(Author unknown)


Comments : 3 Comments »
Tags: , , , ,
Categories : Adolescence, Discipline, Parenting

Texting vs. Talking

26 04 2010

There is no doubt that text messaging can be, in the right situations, the most efficient, convenient form of communication ever invented.  It’s genius.

However, there is a tremendous amount of doubt about whether, on the whole, it actually improves human communication, especially among young people.  Many people feel that it is stunting the development of a variety of communication skills in teens.  And it’s not just the naysayers who don’t understand the technology who are skeptical about the long-term effects of heavy texting.  It’s the early adopters, the ones who have been text messaging a lot for a long time who are concerned.

NPR put together a nice report which succinctly describes the situation.  While it doesn’t offer solutions, it does provide a clear snapshot of where we are with this mostly youth-driven phenomenom.

Listen here to the 4 minute mp3 file NPR report on Texting Teens.

Here’s a few thoughts on texting etiquette for adults and teens (click here).

Other ideas (not all good for every situation):

  • Don’t give your preteen a texting cell phone.  Wait as long as possible.
  • Have a cell phone docking station (basket or box on a shelf) in the kitchen where kids dock their phones for meal time, family time, bed time, and any time that you want some text-free time.
  • Have an “electronic sabbath” as a family, in which everybody stays unplugged for a certain number of hours.  Try a whole day sometime.  Read more at the blog post “Do You Need a Digital Sabbath.”
  • Try to avoid multi-tasking so much.  Research is proving that it doesn’t work well, even though you think it does.  Encourage kids to mono-task: do one thing at a time well.
  • Have kids pay their own cell phone bill.  Or compromise: they pay for texts and data service.
  • Use texting as a tool of encouragement.  Make it a ministry of love — for birthdays especially.
  • Use texting to encourage others to vote on election day or to pray for  or do something for someone in great need.
  • Make a rule that you cannot text someone in the same room or house.
  • LEAVE A COMMENT IF YOU HAVE ANOTHER IDEA.

Comments : 2 Comments »
Tags: , , ,
Categories : Adolescence, Technology

Youth Sports is a Means to a Greater End

20 04 2010

Every parent of an athletic child wonders if their kid has a shot at the big time.  Well, let’s look at some hard facts related to this question. Just 2 percent of varsity high school athletes will play their sport in college, and only 1 percent will get a scholarship to do so.  Let’s take basketball as an example.  Roughly 1 basketball player from all the athletes from 8 high school teams will get a scholarship.  How many high school basketball players make it to the professional level?  0.03% Yes, that is 3 in 10,000 who make an income playing basketball.  Far less will make the big money in the NBA.  And very few of them play for very long.  The truth of the matter is brutal.  9,997 varsity high school players don’t ever make any money playing basketball; 3 do.  Of those three, two will earn about $40,000 a year in a foreign league until younger players replace them in about five years.  1 in 10,000 will gain some fame and fortune playing ball.

So kids may dream of playing pro ball, but it’s a fantasy for all but a very, very, very few who are extraordinarily talented, extremely hardworking, and exceedingly fortunate to avoid injuries and be seen by the right people at the right time.

So, is it foolish to pursue excellence in sports in high school?  Absolutely not!  But it’s essential that student athletes understand that sports is a great teacher, but it’s a lousy employer (because it isn’t hiring).  Athletics is a means, not an end.  It can teach young people valuable lessons and instill noble character traits that are extremely useful in their careers and in their relationships.

But too many kids and parents are burdened with the belief that they can do it.  They will be the next LeBron James, Roger Federer, or Albert Pujols.  I say “burdened” because the overwhelming evidence says that they will not achieve anywhere near that level of success.  And the result is a young life that is very often ultra-competitive, over-scheduled, and hyper-stressed.   Burnout is common.  Injuries can be severe (torn ACL’s and rotator cuffs among preteens are not unusual now).  Resentment often looms ahead.

Stephen Durant is an expert in youth sports, and his book Whose Game Is It, Anyway? has some excellent advice for parents and coaches of great young athletes.

1.  “Emphasize the development of virtue and character over scoreboard outcome. The development of a good character — the ability to control passion, emotion, and behavior — will always stand children in good stead on and off the playing field… Children, at any talent level, can only be truly successful in life if they possess good character.  Becoming an emotionally balanced person of courage, fairness, self-discipline, and strong ability to work as a member of a team, sets up a person for success in any endeavor, in any place” (Durant).

Read the rest of this entry »


Comments : 4 Comments »
Tags: , , , , , , ,
Categories : Adolescence, Athletics, Education, Parenting, Social Development

Our Friend, Failure

8 04 2010

I once heard a speaker named Dan Miller at an educator’s conference tell the audience about how he learned to fly an airplane.  First, you should know that he is disabled from polio as a teenager to the extent that he can only use one arm, and he walks with a serious limp.  His sickness had canceled his first flying lesson; becoming a pilot was his childhood dream.

In his autobiography, he admits that “Planes require two good hands and two good legs to work the controls, yokes, radio, and rudder pedals.  ‘Airplanes crash,’ they would say.  ‘You’ll kill yourself.’  ‘You only have one good arm.’ ‘Your legs are too weak.’  I heard a lot of dream-breaker statements… My first lesson was awful!  I had to reach across my body for the flaps, throttle, and trim.  Every time I’d reach for them, the plane would dip, tip, and do everything but fly straight and level.  I went all over the sky.  I couldn’t fly.  My lesson was a total failure.  But I could give up on my dream yet… The next try, though still not good, was better.  I tell people, ‘If it worth doing, it’s worth doing poorly at first.’

Dan eventually got his pilot’s license and has enjoyed many years of flying adventures.  He also taught himself to play golf with only one arm, and he’s good.  He scores in the mid-80′s regularly and has a hole-in-one to his credit.  Impressive.

Anything worth doing well is worth doing poorly at first.  That is wisdom for all ages.  We need to embrace failure as a friend who is honest enough to tell us that we still need to work harder, listen to others, think more clearly, and learn more information. Failure has something to teach us every time.  That’s what makes people successful — learning from mistakes and persevering slowly toward the goal.

Consider this…

Whether it’s a left-handed layup, a math problem, or a new technological skill, kids need to be encouraged to do things poorly at first, then a little better each time, until they make real progress.  Then encourage them some more.  “See! I knew you could do it! You have improved so much! I’m proud of you. Really proud.”

Try it.

Read the rest of this entry »


Comments : 2 Comments »
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories : Adolescence, Discipline, Resiliency, Self-Discipline

Healthy Adults, Healthy Kids

4 04 2010

Being healthy as an adult will yield both direct and indirect benefits for the kids in your care.  Take care of yourself, for their sake.

This video is thought-provoking and interesting, even if you think you know everything about being healthy.

Here’s proof that we need help in this area:  Super-Fatty Menu Items


Comments : 1 Comment »
Tags: , , , , ,
Categories : Education, Physical Development, health

Chess Builds Brains

30 03 2010

Chess is one of the best educational games of all time.  Even the most casual player will admit that the game forces you to think critically –  just to stay alive and not look like a fool.  There is no way to simply stroll through even a single move in chess.  You must think creatively and carefully before each move.  And while some may say that kids today are not capable of sitting still for an hour to play a game that has no electric power source, there are millions of kids today proving that assumption wrong.  Kids who play chess will tell you that it’s fun and challenging and they wish more kids would join in with them.

Now, there are other games which require similar thinking skills, but there may not be a better game for sheer educational value.  The number of thoughts per minute is staggering.  Offensive options, defensive trouble-shooting, cause-effect relationships, spatial awareness, calculating numbers, imagination, and creative thinking are just a few of the thought processes that are involved in every move.

Read the rest of this entry »


Comments : 2 Comments »
Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Categories : Adolescence, Education, Self-Discipline, Social Development

Loyalty and Love Personified

15 03 2010

John Wooden, the most-successful and most-revered basketball coach of all time, is a role model for so many men — and rightfully so.  To this day, as he approaches 100 years old, his character is so strong that the people around him want to be better because of his example.  Watch this, and you’ll get a glimpse of why he inspires so many people, near and far, with his loyalty and his love.

Let’s not forget that this kind of life is possible — and powerful.

We have a lot to learn from Coach Wooden.  Click here for more.


Comments : 1 Comment »
Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Categories : Athletics, Discipline, Relationship, Role Models, Social Development, Spiritual Development

Etiquette Anyone?

11 03 2010

Here’s an article worth reading — and reflecting about what you might do to encourage the young people in your life to use good manners. Click Here

Also, here’s a link to a good set of specific manners to work on Click Here

Related Post: Well-Mannered Rebels


Comments : 2 Comments »
Tags: , ,
Categories : Adolescence, Education, Social Development

« Previous Entries